Halloween Candy and Early Amends

Well I didn't get to have a Halloween so I bought some marked down Snickers with peanut butter and pigged out. Started crashing from it at my meeting and nearly fell out of my chair asleep. I've been pretty tired lately too. Doing alot of things at once. New job search (got a good lead for activities in a nearby nursing facility and left my number on their voicemail), working on my credit, work, recovery, the headache involving getting insurance.... staying busy basically.

I left work a half hour early today to get to my men's group on time. Waited a half hour for the street car and was late anyway. It was a speaker meeting tonight. He shared his story and then opened it up for discussion. The one thing he talked about that resonated with me, and I think the rest of the room, was getting resentful when he saw non-alcoholics drink. Everyone seemed to feel that way. Now some may believe this or not, but it isn't a problem I've had so far. Maybe it's because too much bad has come from me drinking and I have no desire to touch the stuff again. I don't know. My sponsor was there and we talked for a bit. Going to try and meet in the next few days.

I worked today to try and mend some of the relationships I'd screwed up over the past weeks. These folks may not want to talk to me now, or ever again. They are good people, however, and I hope they do. I know that they all care about me and I betrayed them. Hopefully they can forgive me.

Thought I'd share a bit more about my mom for a sec. Biological mom to be specific. I didn't really have anything good to say about her last night when I posted. I assure you that she is not an evil person. She's done some rotten things, but I'm sure most were out of sheer ignorance. Doesn't excuse her though.

We used to ride horses together, go fishing, go out to eat (she got me started on salad bars at a very early age), watch horror movies, bake cookies.... She says she loves me, and I believe her. Unfortunately she'll never know recovery and will never be able to truly show it. All I can do is work mine and show the ones I care about how much I love them.