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Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Ego and Expression

Not a lot to write about tonight. Just got back from work. Talked to my sponsor on my break. We're meeting Sunday morning before I go in.

I did think about some of the other inner conflicts I suffered over the years. Another huge one being my difficulty opening up to people. This was a conflict because I wanted to express myself to the ones I love. My disease, my ego, my anxiety, and my trust issues created a wall. It was like I couldn't feel. As soon as I felt threatened, I would shut right down. It's taken good, honest, solid recovery to start knocking those walls down....

Success and love have given me trouble too. I'm one of those people who are afraid of things like that because somewhere inside I thought I didn't deserve it. I've been through abandonment and disappointment in my life. I've disappointed a lot of people too. By opening my heart, though, and earnestly working through it, I'm finding that I'm breaking those chains as well.

These changes have made me very enthusiastic about my program, my spirituality, and not least, my ability to finally express unconditional love. There is someone very special to me that I can't wait to share all of that with.

I've been feeling alot lately. Good and bad. The way that I'm measuring true progress, however, is the fact that I can feel.

Good night.

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