There are a few things I wanted to write about tonight. The first being a conversation I had with a co-worker. I wont mention her name. Her son has a drug problem and she opened up to me a bit this morning. Listening to her tell me the story gave me an enormous amount of insight into the perspectives of the people I've hurt. How she loves him, but she can only do so much. How he has to want it. I could see the suffering in her eyes. I listened and gave feedback, but the things she was saying sounded an awful lot like what I imagine my loved ones said about me. It gave me a unique perspective into my disease.
She read a few verses from the Bible that I really liked.
Proverbs 16:28 A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends.
Proverbs 16:32 Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.
Proverbs 10:4 A slack hand causes poverty, but the hand of the diligent makes rich.
They describe me. How I used to be, how I am now, and the man I am becoming.
I talked to my brother today too. We've never discussed my problem before. I'd always avoided talking to him about it... What I was really doing was not giving him enough credit. He's definitely wise beyond his years. He was very helpful in giving me a spiritual point of view. We talked a bit about relationships as well. I'd told him about me wanting to work things out with Sarah. He'd learned alot from a seminar he and his wife went to a while back and passed some of the wisdom on to me. Thank you, Bro. And... fingers crossed.... I may be buying one of their vehicles off of them soon. My entire world wont consist of uptown and the French Quarter anymore.
The meeting was good tonight. We read and talked about the first step. I shared that I finally realized what it meant when they say recovery can be a bitch. The past few days have been horrendous. I'm experiencing serious feelings without numbing them with alcohol. Never done that and it ain't fun. But it comes with the program. And it is worth it.