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Friday, November 4, 2011

The Disease of Addiction

Teresa sent me this earlier today. It's an essay by an unknown person. For anyone who doesn't understand the disease of alcoholism or wants to understand it more, these words sum it up very well.

Unfortunately I have had a very emotional night, so I will need some time to wrap my head around things. Meeting with my sponsor tomorrow and going to a meeting. Staying on top of my recovery, just have other stuff going on too.

I'm Your Disease.... I hate meetings. I hate HIGHER POWER. I hate anyone who has a program. TO ALL WHO COME IN CONTACT WITH ME, I WISH YOU SUFFERING.

Allow me to introduce myself. I AM THE DISEASE OF ADDITION: CUNNING, BAFFLING, and POWERFUL, that's me. I have killed millions, and I am pleased. I love to catch you with the element of suprise, I love pretending I am your friend and lover. I have iven you comfort, have I not? Wasn't I there when you were lonely? When you wanted ti die, didn't you call me? I was there. I LOVE TO MAKE YOU HURT. I LOVE TO MAKE YOU CRY. BETTER YET, I LOVE WHEN I MAKE YOU SO NUMB YOU CAN NEITHER HURT NOR CRY. You can't feel anything at all. This is true glory. I will give you instant gratification and all I ask of you is long-term suffering. I've been there for you always. When things were going right in your life, you invited me. You said you didn't deserve these good things; I was the only one who would agree with you. Together we were able to destroy all things good in your life.

People don't take me seriously. They take strokes seriously, heart attacks seriously, even diabetes they take seriously. Fools that they are, they don't know that without my help these things would not be so possible in your life.

More than you hate me, I hate all of you who have a twelve step program. Your program, your meetings, your higher power all weaken me and I can't function in the manner I am accustomed to.

Now I must lie here quietly. You don't see me, but I am growing bigger than ever. When you only exist, I may live. When you live, I only exist.

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