Powerlessness and Loneliness

Tonight's men's group was a direct hit. I love the moderator (an English guy who drops the F bomb alot... he's hilarious) and the topic. It was about being powerless in our addiction. I've written about this recently. About how we would make some of the most dumbass decisions regarding alcohol while knowing full well that, eventually, the walls would end up crashing all around us. That is powerlessness and insanity. Not a justification though. As an alcoholic, I may very well have been under the disease's control, but it was ultimately up to me to say, "Enough." I got there, however, and I thank God for that. I hurt alot of people on the way, I know. I pray for the opportunity to make it right with them. Especially the one I hurt the worst and love the most. Please forgive me.

One of the guys who shared said something that struck a chord with me. He talked about loneliness and how friends leave you during addiction. I mentioned this to Teresa on the way back. It made me realize that I was surrounded by people who cared about me, and I was the loneliest guy in the world. I made myself that way. Isn't that effed up?

Well. I'm afraid this is going to have to be a short post. There isn't wifi back at the place right now, so I had to walk all the way back down to the Rue. And they are about to close.

Gonna head back now and read a little. Goodnight all.