Out of Touch

It's been a bit of an odd day. Found out about some of my high school classmates who have passed over the years. It was a little shocking and sad to hear. Being away from where I raised for so long has kept me seriously out of touch. Until Myspace and Facebook came along, I hadn't talked to alot of friends and family for over a decade. So there is something to be said for social networking.

When I jetted out of Alabama, I never looked back. Traveled around the world, lived around the continent, and drank alot. Some people envy that lifestyle, but I learned the hard way that it usually just leads to loneliness. I never built any real relationships, and neglected the ones I already had. Heck. Sometimes a year or so would go by before I saw any of my family. That was my own choice, though. Pretty selfish... trading substance for a seat-of-your-pants, adventurous ideal. Do I regret it? Not necessarily. The things I saw and did were fantastic to say the least. Could I have gone about it in a better way? Most definitely.

My grandfather from my Dad's previous marriage passed away not too long ago. I hadn't talked to him in many years either. I suppose I figured (in my own sick way) that after the divorce I wasn't really part of the family anymore. My brother convinced me to visit them after the funeral. When I was told that he'd asked about me often, and they still kept pictures of me in the house, I was overcome with guilt and shame. A nasty concoction of pride and fear kept me away from folks who still loved me.

Talked to someone earlier today, a cousin from the same family, who told me of another passing. I didn't know her well, but was still sad to hear about her going. When the cousin sent me a message to call him, I felt that same anxiety come up. "I haven't talked to him in years." "What do I say?" For once I put all of that aside and called. I'm glad I did. Even though the circumstances were bad, it was good talking to him.

You probably gather by now that I've had alot on my mind. I think I've learned a little more about myself. With that said, it's getting late, and I have to be up very early. Until tomorrow, dear reader, goodnight and God bless.

Quality Porch Time

Just finished a late dinner and am getting ready to call it a night soon. It was a great day. Made a meeting, got a couple of things done, and hung out on the porch chatting with neighbors. It was a beautiful day for porch time... The sun came out, there was plenty of shade, and a cool breeze. Really enjoyed sitting back and watching the world whiz by. I should mention that the bottom step is perhaps 10 feet from the side of Napoleon Ave. Lot's of traffic, but peaceful nonetheless. (Nothing beats my folks porch in Georgia, though!)

I've been reading a book by Darrell Hammond of SNL fame called God, If You're Not Up There, I'm F@##ed. I've mentioned it here before. It deals with his life of addiction and abuse. I found an NPR interview from a while back where he talks about it. Some of it reminds me of the secret life I once led of drinking, suffering, and pain. It's indescribable and you feel you can't talk about it without being found out. I endured that for a long time to protect my disease. That fear and pride caused untold damage.

His story isn't identical to mine, of course. Actually our stories are quite dissimilar except for the alcohol. That poor guy went through alot of crap. Here's a link to his interview... This is pretty heavy stuff and may not be for everyone.

Darrell Hammond Interview on Fresh Air 11-07-11

I'm going to grab a snack and watch a little TV. Have a great night, world, and a blessed day tomorrow!

Old Habits Die Hard Pt. 6- Pride (Cornerstone Sermon Podcast 02-19-12)

Just got back from my 12 Step study and the amazing day that I was blessed with before that.

The Cornerstone sermon from Feb.19th was finally posted a couple of days ago, and I've been very anxious to share it. The last in the Old Habits Die Hard series is Pride. Arguably my biggest weakness and even more arguably the root of all evil... After listening to Josh Agerton talk about the role pride took in the story of the downfall of Adam and Eve, I've become more convinced that not only is the devil real, he exists in all of us as doubt, ego, mistrust, etc. Really. I could name a dozen traits like that, and they all reside in me.

Josh talks about a blogpost he found that is helpful in self-evaluation of just how proud one actually is. I was surprised that not all applied to me, but most did. Reading the comments, alot of people were uncomfortably surprised at how close the list hit home. Bear in mind that there is such thing as healthy pride and unhealthy pride. This is the unhealthy variety. The link is below...

The Fifty Fruits of Pride

And here is the link to the sermon. I recommend this one highly. It's the message that I have literally been waiting for in this series because I know how well it describes me. Pride was my main roadblock in recovery.

Old Habits Die Hard Pt. 6- Pride

Hey! Two awesome links in one night! I'm incredibly grateful for everything I"ve learned today... and from the Cornerstone podcasts. Now that the Old Habits series is over, I can't wait to see what they do next. It's an exciting church to be a part of. Even in anonymity... 5 and a half hours away.

Goodnight and peace be with you.

On To Step... 1?

Just got back from meeting with my sponsor and I am excited to say that I have finished my steps. Thing is, you never really finish them. These steps are practiced every day of my life. The most successful people in recovery usually go back and do them over and over again. When they decide to sponsor, they get to go through them with a sponsee. You'll find that you learn something new every time you do them, and it's great re-enforcement for sobriety. That's why I'll be doing them again in the not-too-distant future.

We had a really good meeting. It was cold, blustery, and wet outside the coffee shop, but well worth it. We talked for a little while then went over 11 and 12.

Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with

God, as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us

and the power to carry that out.

and...

Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to

carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our

affairs.

Speaking of coffee shops, I'm sad to say that the Rue de la Course on Magazine St. has closed its doors. I've spent many hours there writing posts for this very blog. I've spent time with more than one sponsor there. And it was a great place to grab a coffee, sit at an outside table, and hang with friends. People watching at the Rue was interesting to say the least.

Well. I'm going to eat my sub and watch Storage Wars. It's been a great day. Goodnight and God Bless!

My Daily Moral Inventory

Meeting with my sponsor tomorrow night at CC's Coffee, so I suppose tonight I'll just kick back, write a bit, watch some TV, and munch on my trail mix.

Been working on taking my daily moral inventory. Usually at night... right before going to sleep, I lay there and mentally go over the events of the day. What did I do right? What did I do wrong?What should I do about it? I pray on it.

Stressful situations are much easier to deal with when I step back, take a good look, and not immediately react. I'm working on promptly admitting when I'm wrong, as well. Was never good at that. It makes the day so much better (and easier), though, when Step 10 becomes part of your daily routine. It's one of the steps that is never really finished.

Had a good day at work. Just very busy. There are still a lot of Mardi Gras visitors in town. Houses still have their decorations up. Beads are still everywhere. Hanging from trees, power lines, fences... It almost feels like another parade could come rolling down St. Charles at any moment. I like that.

I'll leave you tonight with a picture of the most festive pothole in the world. Saw it the other morning on the way to work.

God Bless!

Now that's what a pothole

should look like!

But for the Grace of God

Got the greenlight to chair H&I once a month. I think I'll ask my sponsor to be my first moderator. Talked to him a little earlier about meeting up tomorrow or Sunday. We're going to go ahead and finish my steps. Pretty psyched about that!

Work went well too. It was a pretty slow night. Just got back and am getting ready to wind down for bed. I'll check out the Cornerstone website first and see if they've posted this week's sermon yet.

When we came to our first A.A. meeting, we looked up at the wall at the end of the room and saw the sign: "But for the grace of God." We knew right then and there that we would have to call on the grace of God in order to get sober and get over our soul sickness. We heard speakers tell how they had come to depend on a Power greater than themselves. That made sense to us and we made up our minds to try it. Am I depending on the grace of God to help me stay sober?

That's not what I was thinking at my first AA meeting. Seeing the word "God" everywhere scared the hell out of me. It took me a very long time to accept him as my Higher Power and that's one reason I failed so many times. Now I know that God's got my back. Whenever I need him, I can call on him. He's always there.

Gonna go ahead and sign off. If Cornerstone posted today, I'll link it here.

Have a great night and a blessed tomorrow!

Hospitals and Institutions

Up at the crack of dawn for work. It was a good day, though. Ran non-stop again so I'm kinda looking forward to sleeping in a bit tomorrow.

Homegroup was great. The business meeting was a little more animated than usual. One of the items we discussed was starting H&I at one of the men's shelters. H&I is service work that we do in hospitals and institutions. Usually conducting meetings. I was honored enough to have been asked to chair one a month. Since it would be my first time doing something like that, I told them I felt like I should run it by my sponsor. Shouldn't be a prob.

The regular meeting was good too. We had a member pick up her 30 year chip. I always love seeing that. It's an awesome reminder of how well the program works if you work it...

Getting ready for bed now. May get a little stormy tonight, but that's perfectly ok. I enjoy a good thunderstorm.

Have a peaceful night and a blessed tomorrow!

Back to the Norm

Work went really well. I did alot of lifting, climbing, and carrying so I'm a bit worn out. Gonna do some laundry, eat my sandwich, and get ready for bed....

Kinda sad seeing the Mardi Gras season go. Was walking down St. Charles on my way home and noticed how quiet it was. Just yesterday there were thousands of people crowding the street to see the parades. In less than a month, though, we'll have the St. Patrick's Parade (another little taste of insanity for those who miss it).

I am looking forward to having my homegroup again. It starts back tomorrow night. And we have a business meeting.

Now we can take an inventory of the good things that have come to us through A.A. To begin with, we're sober today. That's the biggest asset on any alcoholic's books. Sobriety to us is like goodwill in business. Everything else depends on that. Most of us have jobs, which we owe to our sobriety. We know we couldn't hold these jobs if we were drinking, so our jobs depend on our sobriety. Most of us have wives or husbands and children, which we either had lost or might have lost, if we hadn't stopped drinking. We have friends in A.A., real friends who are always ready to help us. Do I realize that my job, my family, and my real friends are dependent upon my sobriety?

There's the thought for the day. I really like it. It's a crucial reminder of exactly how much rides on my recovery. I should read that passage every day.

Well. I'm going to check on my clothes and wind down. Have a great night and God Bless!

Happy Mardi Gras!

It may be another Tuesday anywhere else in the world, but here it's Mardi Gras day! Schools are closed, businesses are shut down, and I'm lucky enough to have today off. :)

Parade Cam 2012

Above is a link to the live parade cam. Enjoy!

A Farewell to Meat

Liquor used to be my friend. I used to have a lot of fun drinking. Practically all the fun I had was connected with drinking. But the time came when liquor became my enemy. I don't know just when liquor turned against me and became my enemy, but I know it happened, because I began to get into trouble. And since I realize that liquor is now my enemy, my main business is keeping sober. Making a living or keeping house is no longer my main business. It's secondary to the business of keeping sober. Do I realize that my main business is keeping sober?

Keeping sober above all else may seem a bit selfish to some. I realized a while back, though, that I'm no good to anyone unless I'm in recovery.

Tomorrow is Fat Tuesday. The end of the Mardi Gras season. So long, Carnival! A farewell to flesh... or meat. It's traditionally the beginning of fasting for Lent. One last, big blowout before giving stuff up for God. More than that, however, it's a spiritual challenge to ourselves. I gave up meat (except for seafood) one year. No one really understood why I did it. I'm not Catholic. It was just a personal test of will.

Going to try and make Zulu tomorrow morning. Rex rolls at 10. After that we'll see about 200 big trucks honking horns at full blast for the Elk's parade. There's a video below that I made from last year's. Imagine if the vid was 2 hours long... That's exactly what the Elk's parade is like. What's awesome is that we have a Krewe rolling after Elks. It was postponed from Saturday because of the rain.

Well. I have to be up early, so I'm going to go ahead and wind down. Happy Mardi Gras and God bless!

BTW... I've decided to give up astro-engineering for Lent this year. It'll be hard, but I can do it. ;)

Held Hostage By Bacchus

Fitting that for so many years I allowed myself to be a prisoner of alcohol and tonight I was literally a captive of Bacchus (the Roman god of wine and intoxication). I was on my way home and couldn't cross St. Charles or Napoleon because of the Bacchus parade. I always enjoy it, so I wasn't too disappointed about being stuck. Was hoping to see Will Ferrell though. He was king this year.

I've been talking alot about Mardi Gras, but I haven't been taking many pictures. Here's a link to a page on my photography website. It's a very small gallery from last years parades and some pics I took around town.

Mardi Gras 2011

Not the shutterbug I used to be. I used to concentrate more on taking pictures than actually enjoying the moment and connecting with the ones I love. I decided a while back that if something trivial started getting in the way of what was really important, I'd cut waaaay back on it. Facebook, Doctor Who, video games... You get the idea.

Bout to eat a late dinner then go to bed. Have a great night and God bless!

5 Months In!

Didn't make any parades today. The day ones were postponed because of the weather. Works out kinda well, though. I had to work, and they were moved to times that I could see them. Still not sure if Endymion ran. That's the evening parade. I have my own special reason for not caring about that one.

In other news... Today marks 5 months of recovery for me! I am so blessed to have such an awesome support system. Without God, my sponsor, and my peeps, it wouldn't have been possible. I am so grateful to you all.

After I became an alcoholic, alcohol poisoned my love for my family and friends, it poisoned my ambition, it poisoned my self-respect. It poisoned my whole life, until I met A.A. My life is happier now than it has been for a long time. I don't want to commit suicide. So with the help of God and A.A., I'm not going to take any more of that alcoholic poison into my system. And I'm going to keep training my mind never even to think of liquor again in any way except as a poison. Do I believe that liquor will poison my life if I ever touch it again?

That's today's thought. Sort of along the same line as yesterday's, but no less poignant. Alcohol did poison my love and relationships. I am very fortunate that my people stuck by me. I certainly don't deserve the faith that has been put upon me, but am proud to say that this time around that faith is well-placed. Thank you, again!

Gonna watch the rest of this documentary on the Mardi Gras Indians then turn in.

Have a good night and a blessed tomorrow! Peace....

What's Your Poison?

Alcohol is poison to the alcoholic. Poison is not too strong a word, because alcoholism leads eventually to the death of the alcoholic. It may be a quick death or a slow death. When we go by package stores and see various kinds of liquor all dressed up in fancy packages to make it look attractive, we should always make it a point to say to ourselves so we'll never forget it: "That stuff's all poison to me." And it is. Alcohol poisoned our lives for a long time. Do I know that since I'm an alcoholic all liquor is poison to me?

Talked about the thought for the day at my meeting before work... Yes, alcohol has poisoned my life. It has physically poisoned me too. I'd drink so much while on a binge, I could feel it in my kidneys. While working in the medical field I saw people in their death throes resulting from cirrhosis. It's a ghastly sight to behold. You'd think that would be enough of a deterrent. Not for me. Shows how hard-headed I was. And reckless.

Just got back to the house from work. Had a pretty good day. Caught the tail end of the Morpheus parade on the way back, but I missed one of my faves... d'Etat. I'll leave you with a couple of pics I took on the way in today.... Goodnight!

These people do their porch

up with skeletons dressed

in various holiday themes.

You should see it on Halloween!

Don't Have a Krewe? Make Your Own!

Another night of parades! I had a blast. I got there by myself and by the beginning of the first one I had a whole group to hang with. A most unlikely bunch too... A really cool couple from Valley, AL (not too far from my old stompin' grounds), a couple of ladies from Edgard, LA, and some sorority girls who ended up being bead hogs. Everyone was nice, though, and not one person was drinking. Spent most of my time with the Valley folks. They winced every time I said "War Eagle". ;)

Best seat in the house!

Didn't have my homegroup tonight. Unfortunately the church is right smack dab in the middle of the parade route. I'll hit the Mustard Seed tomorrow. Can't wait to catch up with my peeps and see how their Mardi Gras went, though. We have a business meeting and a regular meeting next week.

Anyhow... It's another late night and I haven't even eaten dinner yet. Had a hot dog and nachos, but that was hours ago. I'll leave you with some very bad quality Blackberry video of the start of the Muses parade.

Goodnight! God Bless!

Mardi Gras in Recovery

Wow. I am soaked and I am tired. Nothing too long or profound tonight.

Had a great day at work. Put in for my vacation time in June. Left at 7 and went straight to St. Charles and Napoleon to see tonight's parades. Ancient Druids ran first and then I had the distinct pleasure of seeing the inaugural run of the Mystic Krewe of Nyx. It rained off and on, had my umbrella, but still got wet.

Sobriety rocks. I can do stuff like that without drinking and enjoy it perhaps even more. There was a time in my life where I wanted to drink for any occasion. 4th of July? Bring on the Bud. Christmas? Put a little rum in that eggnog. Arbor Day?... Well. You get the idea. I spent my entire first Mardi Gras drinking. I mean the entire time. I was so consumed with myself having fun that I disregarded the fact that I had a beautiful woman, who loved me very much, and she only wanted to enjoy it with me. I have a lot of Mardi Gras...es (What's plural for that?) to make up to her. And Christmases. And 4th of Julys. And vacations. And so, so much more. I can't wait. Given the opportunity of course.

I took a little video with my Blackberry. I'm not falling down at the end of it. Someone threw me a frisbee and I was picking it up. ;)

As always, the picture quality is

atrocious at night.

I'm going to eat a very late dinner and get ready for bed. Until tomorrow... Goodnight and God bless!

Happy Valentine's Day!

Because She Would Ask Me Why I Loved Her

A poem by Christopher Brennan

If questioning would make us wise

No eyes would ever gaze in eyes;

If all our tale were told in speech

No mouths would wander each to each.

Were spirits free from mortal mesh

And love not bound in hearts of flesh

No aching breasts would yearn to meet

And find their ecstasy complete.

For who is there that lives and knows

The secret powers by which he grows?

Were knowledge all, what were our need

To thrill and faint and sweetly bleed?.

Then seek not, Sweet, the "If" and "Why"

I love you now until I die.

For I must love because I live

And life in me is what you give.

I have it on very good authority

that Egypt is a spectacular

honeymoon destination....

Don't forget to show your sweeties how much you love them!

Not just today, but every day!

Goodnight, all...

Old Habits Die Hard Pt. 5- Lust (Cornerstone Sermon 02-12-12)

Pastor Hutson assures us that, given the proximity to a certain notable day, this is just the order in which the sermon fell. Still relevant to love and relationships... among other things. Anything that is introduced to us that we want, that is unattainable, that will ultimately never satisfy us, but we still want it so bad causes lust. Like in addiction, I chased something that was destructive, was temporary relief at best, and only one never satisfied me. As they say, "One's too many and a thousand is never enough."

He brought up an interesting analogy... People who are lost at sea will often eventually start drinking sea water. They get so thirsty they convince themselves that it will be ok. Well, the more they drink, the thirstier they get. They keep drinking and eventually it kills them. Sounds kinda familiar.

Click on the link below to hear the sermon. I got a lot out of it.... Much of it deals with relationships, and I can always use advice on that!

Old Habits Die Hard Pt. 5- Lust

The stats that he presents at the beginning about human trafficking is both mind-blowing and scary. It's disgusting that some part of our society has created a very lucrative market for this.

Listening to this was an awesome way to start my day, and I have quite a bit to do. I'll be posting a little something special later on when I get back.

Until then... Have a great day!

The Dumb Kid's Lament

Sometimes we can't help thinking: Why can't we ever drink again? We know it's because we're alcoholics, but why did we have to get that way? The answer is that at some time in our drinking careers, we passed what is called our "tolerance point." When we passed this point, we passed from a condition in which we could tolerate alcohol to a condition in which we could not tolerate it at all. After that, if we took one drink, we would sooner or later end up drunk. When I think of liquor now, do I think of it as something that I can never tolerate again?

We talked about this earlier today at length. I shared that not being able to drink again isn't something that I lament. It's done way too much damage to my life. And the lives of others. It just isn't worth giving up my health and my future for.

I try to recall the point in my life where alcohol became something I couldn't manage. When I look long, hard, and honestly at it, I'd have to say from the very first drink. Given the family history on my mom's side and when I consider my own personality flaws, it's something that I should never have touched. Ever. But how do you tell the kind of kid I was that?

Now, in my mind, that sounds a bit like a cop-out. "Woe is me! I was just a dumb kid who didn't know better and now look at me!" I can assure you that it isn't the case at all. Later on in life, factors like self-discipline, maturity, and responsibility come into play. People grow up and move on from partying, bar-hopping, etc. I didn't. And it led me down a very dark path. I took people that I love with me.

I'm happy to say that those things appeal to me less and less these days. The kind of life I am steering toward now is infinitely more rewarding. And the people that I love? I'd like to think they'll want to walk down that sunny, beautifully landscaped path with me.

Goodnight and God Bless!

Sausage Dogs and the Mustard Seed

It was a very interesting walk to work. They were setting up for the Krewe of Carrollton parade on my street. Got to see the bands practicing in the park, the floats were all lined up, people were getting into costume... Then I stopped on St. Charles and got a hot sausage dog from a carnival stand. Tried to eat it while walking, but it was too full of stuff. Mushrooms, marinara, green peppers, onions and all on a hoagie roll. I guess I was being a bit of a grump in a previous post. I do love Mardi Gras. It would be my luck, though, that there are no parades on my days off. :(

I guess my Blackberry takes better

pics during the day...

Not much else of interest. Worked all day. Came back here. Going to eat some pizza rolls and watch a movie.

Talked to my sponsor a few minutes ago. We're going to meet up Tues. and go to the men's group. Going to the 12 step study tomorrow night and hopefully the Mustard Seed on both days.

Well. I guess that's about it for tonight... Going to enjoy my days off and try to get some things done!

Goodnight, world...

Step 10!

I met with my sponsor this morning. We went to CC's Coffee (Rue is closed for Mardi Gras... forgot about that). We chatted for a while. Talked about my amends. Then we talked about taking a continuous moral inventory and when wrong, promptly admitting it. After that, he said, "Ok. That's Step 10." Pretty quick step I thought. It's something that I started picking up on back in Step 4. It's not really something I do a worksheet on, though. It's something I practice for the rest of my life. We talked a bit about how he has recently applied it in a few specific situations. It's not easy, but I'm assured that it becomes second nature over time.

Work wasn't quite as hectic as I thought. Not until the first parade ended and just before the second parade. On the way back, I figured I'd stop and watch the second one. Krewe of Pygmalion. Not the most interesting parade, but I enjoy watching them. Had to leave before it was completely over. It was very cold and I was starting to cough again.

The camera on my phone isn't very good...

I heard about Whitney Houston's death a little bit ago. She had a very tragic life of abuse and addiction. They say they don't know how she died and I wont speculate. I will say that too many of us meet an early end because we simply didn't surrender and ask for help.

Well. I'm going to sit down, rest, and maybe eat some wafflecone ice cream. I hope you a good night and a blessed day tomorrow.

Laissez les Bon Temps Rouler!

1 day down and a week and a half to go! I am, of course, talking about Mardi Gras. I love going to the parades, but that's about it. Maybe I'd feel a little different if the situation were a bit different. But that's my fault.

Work was gruesome. I just want to shower, maybe watch a little American Pickers, then go to bed. I have to be up kinda early to meet with my sponsor about step 10... Then deal with the crowd again. I maintain my serenity, though. Smile. Be nice. Be professional. It can be a challenge, however.

I think I have commuting worked out. That's a good thing.

Anyways... I'm going to go ahead and sign off.

Goodnight, all!

Impulse and Actuality

"Your feelings aren't always an indicator of how you are doing."

I heard that tonight and really liked it. Sometimes things aren't nearly as bad as I think they are, but in the past, my reactions to my feelings led me down a very detrimental path. I was talking to one of my fellow Round Table members about the steps. How I think that when the correct one is applied to a certain situation I might impulsively act on, when actually worked, it gives me a broader view of things. It slows me down, but in a good way.

Got there early and helped set up. Enjoyed some good conversation. Had a great topic. Our speaker started the discussion on staying plugged in. It was awesome listening to all the old-timers tell their stories. How they went from seeing their relatives hide the valuables when they came to visit to having families of their own. Talking proudly of their grand-kids. What a wonderful incentive to live a better life. Make myself better for me so I can create some love and joy in this world.

Well. I had a very physical day at work, so I'm going to go ahead and put my feet up. Mardi Gras parades start tomorrow uptown. Commuting is about to become very interesting.

Have a great night and God bless!

Old Habits Die Hard Pt. 4- Sloth (Cornerstone Sermon 02-05-12)

As you know, I really enjoy the Cornerstone Church podcasts with Pastor Rusty Hutson. Especially this series on the Seven Deadly Sins. In this blog I like being able to share things that I learn from and mean something to me.

When discussing Sloth this past Sunday, he described it as not being the best possible person we could be for God, ourselves, and the ones we love. The ones who depend on us. How it eventually destroys relationships and effects people in our lives.

Sloth, for me, has manifested in so many ways over the years. Just getting by, taking the easiest way out, looking for instant gratification and not working for something meaningful...

In my addiction sloth manifested as complacency. Thinking just being sober was enough and not rising for something better. None of those things get you anywhere in life or in service. It often got me a hard slap to the ground. The definition of insanity is doing the same things over again and expecting different results. For me, one of those things was doing nothing at all.

It's a great sermon this week and I learned alot. There's some very good stuff in there. Below is the link.

Old Habits Die Hard Pt. 4- Sloth

Goodnight!

The Other Side of Glamour

A nightclub crowded with men and women all dressed up in evening clothes looks like a very gay place. But you should see the men's room of that nightclub the next morning. What a mess! People have been sick all over the place and does it smell! The glamour of the night before is all gone and only the stink of the morning after is left. In A.A., we learn to take a long view of drinking instead of a short view. We learn to think less about the pleasure of the moment and more about the consequences. Has the night before become less important to me and the morning after more important?

First of all, we see how dated most literature in the program is by its very wording. LOL... Doesn't make it any less true, though. It's just as relevant now as it was decades ago.

Drinking isn't something that appeals to me any more, but when that idea does pop into my head, all I have to remember is the hell that follows immediately after. It's enough to put me right back on track. I take into account the consequences rather than the instant gratification.

Really like the thought for the day. If you've ever been in a men's room in the French Quarter you know what this person was talking about.

Got a long day at work tomorrow, so I'm about to start winding down.

Have a great night!

Friends in Recovery

One of the most beautiful things my recovery and my blog has given me is all the wonderful people they've brought into my life. The following is a response to a previous post from a new friend in Europe. The reason that I am so fascinated and wanted to share is that it is not only her story, but mine and so many other people's in our position. Tragic, but not unique. Thank you, Riversurfer!

"The thought of the day had me thinking that drinking alcohol was something I always could rely on. I knew what alcohol could give me, a trustworthy old friend. I knew it would be me myself and I in a life free from friction, dwelling in the dark room. Not expecting any unpleasant surprises, just me and my love for the alcohol. It gave me a sense of control... I was the queen of my very own dark room.

Oh, and how I loved it and how it at the same time was killing me. The alcoholic so content and happy in its blessed ignorance - whilst the core of what me was in despair, only wished to die.

Dealing with life sober is undescribebly different from the days that was with drinking. Life is so rich, so beyond my control. It's scarey but oh so rewarding. I very much love this magnificent and eternal that is life and gladly turn my back to that horrible dark room.

Good night and sweet dreams!"

I'm so blessed to have folks like Riversurfer in my life. You keep me sober... Thank you again! :)

Not the Same Jay

I believe that life is a school in which I must learn spiritual things. I must trust in God and He will teach me. I must listen to God and He will speak through my mind. I must commune with Him in spite of all opposition and every obstacle. There will be days when I will hear no voice in my mind and when there will come no intimate heart to heart communion. But if I persist, and make a life habit of schooling myself in spiritual things, God will reveal Himself to me in many ways.

That's our meditation for today. I love it. Even in the worst times of my life, I've always considered the world my church and the people in it my fellowship. I lost that ideal in my drinking career. I developed a serious disdain for people in general. The wonder disappeared. I was too concerned with keeping myself numb and protected from all outside influences. That's why I'm alone today.

Happily, though, in my recovery I've re-established so many relationships. They are very cautious people, and they should be. The fact that they are coming back around at all means everything. I'm showing the folks that I love just how important they are to me. :)

Making that new connection with God has made me so much better as well. I now see the real important things in my life.

Have One on Me!

I haven't missed a day of posting, and I'm not about to now... Here's the thought for the day.

Treating others to drinks gave us a kind of satisfaction. We liked to say, "Have a drink on me." But we were not really doing the other people a favor. We were only helping them to get drunk, especially if they happened to be alcoholic. In A.A., we really try to help other alcoholics. We build them up instead of tearing them down. Drinking created a sort of fellowship. But it really was a false fellowship, because it was based on selfishness. We used our drinking companions for our own pleasure. In A.A., we have real fellowship, based on unselfishness and a desire to help each other. And we make real friends, not fair weather friends. With sobriety, have I got everything that drinking's got, without the headaches?

I never treated anyone else to a drink. I was always too concerned with getting myself drunk. I'd buy ya something to eat, but don't mess with my booze!

Nowadays I don't hide the fact that I'm in AA. I don't push it on other people, but once someone who knows they have problem sees you in recovery, I can almost guarantee that they will approach you about it. That's one of the many ways I try to be of service. As an example...

Ok. I'm sick and I'm going back to bed. Have a great day and God bless!

June-cation 2011

Wanna see the most important things in my life? Here ya go!

Was going through some old YouTube vids and wanted to share.

Androids and People In General

Uhhggggg.... Sinuses are going nuts. May be infected.

My boss sent me home with his Toshiba Android tablet. He couldn't get MP4's to play. I downloaded a media player that I believe is compatible and seems to work so far. I just hate being responsible for that device... Good test of responsibility, though. It's like the high school project where the students have to take care of an egg for a month. LOL... Seriously, it's cool that he trusted me with it.

I will practice love, because lack of love will block the way. I will try to see good in all people, those I like and also those who fret me and go against the grain. They are all children of God. I will try to give love; otherwise, how can I dwell in God's spirit whence nothing unloving can come? I will try to get along with all people, because the more love I give away, the more I will have.

That's the meditation for today. There was a time in my life when I was proud to proclaim my disdain for people in general. Once I opened up, though, and actually engaged people in conversation and fellowship, my self-esteem and serenity hit a new high. Folks respond so much more positively when you smile and say, "Hello", than when you grimace and keep on walking. It makes their day better too.

I pray every night to be put in a position where I can be of service. Sometimes a "How ya doin'?" is all it takes.

Anywho... I'm feelin' kinda cruddy, so I'm about to call it a night. Thank God I close tomorrow. I can sleep in and recuperate a bit.

Have a wonderful night, world...

God bless!

Assets and Liabilities

I talked to my sponsor and we're supposed to meet up Sunday. We're going to talk about moving on to step 10. He finally agreed that I should hold off on certain amends until a more appropriate time. I approached him and told him that some of the people in my life just aren't ready to hear from me.

Had a pretty good day. Time went fairly quickly at work. I read the Thought for the Day first thing when I got back....

When we think about having a drink, we're thinking of the kick we get out of drinking, the pleasure, the escape from boredom, the feeling of self-importance, and the companionship of other drinkers. What we don't think of is the letdown, the hang over, the remorse, the waste of money, and the facing of another day. In other words, when we think about that first drink, we're thinking of all the assets of drinking and none of the liabilities. What has drinking really got that we haven't got in A.A.? Do I believe that the liabilities of drinking outweigh the assets?

I can assure you, dear reader, that there are far more liabilities than there are "assets" when you go back out. That knowledge is but one of the many things that keeps me sober and recovering. I'd much rather be in a room in fellowship with my fellow AA members than sitting in some dark corner by myself, wasting my life, and destroying the ones I love. I'm really grateful for the message today, because I am one of those people who used to ignore the consequences for my own selfish pursuits. That doesn't just include alcohol. I was a very impulsive person.

Well. I have a very early day tomorrow, so I'm going to wind down early.

Goodnight. :)

No more dark rooms for me...