When I jetted out of Alabama, I never looked back. Traveled around the world, lived around the continent, and drank alot. Some people envy that lifestyle, but I learned the hard way that it usually just leads to loneliness. I never built any real relationships, and neglected the ones I already had. Heck. Sometimes a year or so would go by before I saw any of my family. That was my own choice, though. Pretty selfish... trading substance for a seat-of-your-pants, adventurous ideal. Do I regret it? Not necessarily. The things I saw and did were fantastic to say the least. Could I have gone about it in a better way? Most definitely.
My grandfather from my Dad's previous marriage passed away not too long ago. I hadn't talked to him in many years either. I suppose I figured (in my own sick way) that after the divorce I wasn't really part of the family anymore. My brother convinced me to visit them after the funeral. When I was told that he'd asked about me often, and they still kept pictures of me in the house, I was overcome with guilt and shame. A nasty concoction of pride and fear kept me away from folks who still loved me.
Talked to someone earlier today, a cousin from the same family, who told me of another passing. I didn't know her well, but was still sad to hear about her going. When the cousin sent me a message to call him, I felt that same anxiety come up. "I haven't talked to him in years." "What do I say?" For once I put all of that aside and called. I'm glad I did. Even though the circumstances were bad, it was good talking to him.
You probably gather by now that I've had alot on my mind. I think I've learned a little more about myself. With that said, it's getting late, and I have to be up very early. Until tomorrow, dear reader, goodnight and God bless.
Facebook truly is an excellent way to keep in touch with friend and to find old lost ones. I was even contacted by a penpal that I had when I was a child. She lives in Argentina and we lost touch when we were 15 years old. About 20 years later she found me in Facebook and now we have a daily contact - it really is wonderful.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad to hear that you found the courage to phone your cousin, and that you're glad that you did so.