Long-Term Dialogue

"Fine friendship requires duration rather than fitful intensity." —Aristotle

Once we have embarked upon this program, we find spiritual recovery through relationships more than any other single factor. We find it through relationships with other people, with ourselves, and with our Higher Power. But most men in recovery need to learn how to be in a relationship. We have to give up ideas that a friendship is an intense connection or a conflict-free blending of like minds.

A meaningful friendship is a long-term dialogue. If there is conflict or if we make a mistake or fail to do what our friend wants of us, we don't end the friendship. We simply have the next exchange to resolve the differences. Our dialogue continues over time, and time - along with many amends - builds the bond. With it develops a deepening sense of reliability and trusting one another. When we have lived with our friend through many experiences - or with our Higher Power - we gain a feeling that we really know him or her in a way we could never have in a brief intense connection.

Today, I will do what I need to do to be reliable in my friendships.

I'll tell ya right now... I've never been the best friend to anyone. I was always too selfish and worried about what my friends could do for me. I've had some really good friends, though. My brother and I were just reminiscing tonight about our old adventures in Auburn. I kid ya not... Some of the stuff we texted back and forth about, you couldn't possibly make up. Anyway, that got me thinking about some of the folks we hung out with coming up and some of my old school friends. Most were really good people who enjoyed hanging out and running the backwoods of Alabama. Folks who really enjoyed my company... at least until they got tired of my ego. Alot of us still keep in touch through FB, which I'm very grateful for. A few I haven't heard from in decades.

I like the part of the Touchstones passage that says, "A meaningful friendship is a long-term dialogue."

There are people that I've known since childhood who, no matter how bratty or crappy I've acted in the past, still talk to me today, and I think that is one of the coolest gifts an undeserving person could get!

Goodnight....

Friends in Recovery

One of the most beautiful things my recovery and my blog has given me is all the wonderful people they've brought into my life. The following is a response to a previous post from a new friend in Europe. The reason that I am so fascinated and wanted to share is that it is not only her story, but mine and so many other people's in our position. Tragic, but not unique. Thank you, Riversurfer!

"The thought of the day had me thinking that drinking alcohol was something I always could rely on. I knew what alcohol could give me, a trustworthy old friend. I knew it would be me myself and I in a life free from friction, dwelling in the dark room. Not expecting any unpleasant surprises, just me and my love for the alcohol. It gave me a sense of control... I was the queen of my very own dark room.

Oh, and how I loved it and how it at the same time was killing me. The alcoholic so content and happy in its blessed ignorance - whilst the core of what me was in despair, only wished to die.

Dealing with life sober is undescribebly different from the days that was with drinking. Life is so rich, so beyond my control. It's scarey but oh so rewarding. I very much love this magnificent and eternal that is life and gladly turn my back to that horrible dark room.

Good night and sweet dreams!"

I'm so blessed to have folks like Riversurfer in my life. You keep me sober... Thank you again! :)

A Huge Thank You

What am I grateful for? (And I thought I was going to have some trouble coming up with something to write about. Not at all, as you'll see.) Had a good meeting. Grateful for that. We talked about pessimism today. I shared that there are some dark clouds in my life right now. As far as my recovery and life success in general goes, I'm very optimistic. More than optimistic actually. I can see all the doors opening up for me. Already walked through a few of them. Working hard will ensure that those doors stay open. Just waiting on one more to open and everything will really start falling into place. It's a red door. With a butterfly knocker.

What else am I grateful for....? My health. Just got my blood pressure checked and it was in the normal range. I've lost a lot of weight the healthy way. I walk a lot and don't snack. Quitting smoking. Going to aim for tonight being my last smoke. Tried recently but the hold-up kinda threw me off schedule. Still have bad dreams over that. All in all, though, I believe I'm in really good shape.

Thankful for my sponsor and my program. I talk to Karl everyday. I can't thank him enough for the work he is doing with me. I'm grateful for AA and my program, without which, I'd either be dead or laying in a gutter somewhere. It's given me my life and all its infinite possibilities back. I'm thankful for the people I've helped so far. They help me heal. My meetings, sponsor, program, service work... it all helps keep me focused and serene.

I'm thankful to God for being able to wake up this morning and draw another breath. And for helping keep me sober for another day.

Last, and by no means least, I am thankful for you. The person who is reading this right now. My friends, family, and complete strangers. I write this blog for me. It's the best therapy I've ever had. I write it for you too. I write it for those it helps and for those who care enough to see how far I've made it. I am truly grateful and in complete awe at all the wonderful words every one of you have sent my way. You play a large role in keeping me on the straight and narrow. Teresa and Dad especially. Thank you for not giving up on me. There's one more person that I am so thankful for that words will never be enough to describe. She's sitting alone in an apartment right now, perhaps reading this. She is the best, kindest woman I've ever met. I like to think she's out there waiting... seeing what I'm going to do. I like to think that one day we'll be married with kids of our own and will have put the bad stuff far behind us. If she's willing or if there is even a chance, I couldn't be more grateful for anything else.