Cornerstone Church- The Book of James Week 5

That's the latest sermon from my favorite church! On a different note....

A friend of mine at work asked me today if I couldn't just have a couple of drinks and then stop. Or if I realized that when I've had too much to drink, I can just call it a night. The best way I could answer that was by saying that he obviously had an "on/off" switch. I don't. I drink until I can't physically or financially do it anymore.

That's why I had to stop.

Gotta get up extra early tomorrow. Gonna watch the rest of Duck Dynasty then turn in. Y'all have yourselves a great night!

God Bless.

Old New Orleans Groups

Got up super early and went straight to work. That went pretty smoothly. Went to my homegroup's business meeting afterward. Now that I really enjoyed. It was our regular bunch... Chatted alot beforehand. One of the ladies and I were talking about how old our group actually is and the traditions it carried. At about 50 years old, it's one of the oldest in New Orleans that is still going. If not, the oldest. I had no idea and am proud to be part of such an enduring institution.

She thought it was interesting that the group started before she started drinking. Heck I can't believe it's been around since before I was born... She also shared that in drinking, she had no interest in tradition or the program. She just wanted to party and have fun. We then discussed the evolution of drinking when I talked about it ceasing to be enjoyable and freeing, and turned into me sitting in my house alone... not answering the door. I learned alot in that brief conversation.

In other news, at our regular meeting, one of our members got her 13 year chip tonight. Two others got a 5 and a 21. Most importantly, though, a young lady got her 24 hour chip. That's one of the biggest moves you can make in recovery!

Have a great night...

Life and What You Put Into It

As I look back over my drinking career, have I learned that you take out of life what you put into it? When I put drinking into my life, did I take out a lot of bad things? Hospitals with the D.T.'s? Jails for drunken driving? Loss of job? Loss of home and family? When I put drinking into my life, was almost everything I took out bad?

I didn't get much out of life spending those days walled up, drinking one bottle after another. Didn't contribute much to the folks around me either. It was just one catastrophe after another. Lose a job, get another, start to rebuild, then knock it all down again.

With alcohol out of the equation it's so much easier to focus on the tasks at hand. Relationships are so much more fulfilling. Life is easier to deal with on it's own terms.

Work went well today. Talked to my uncle and he is doing a lot better. Gotta be up early tomorrow, so I'll be hitting the hay early. Looking forward to my homegroup and taco salad Thursday!

Goodnight...

Scary Statistics

I was just going over some statistics for my next H&I meeting. Some were shocking. Some were not surprising at all. I really wanted to share some of these...

Each year, a typical young person in the United States is inundated with more than 1,000 commercials for beer and wine coolers and several thousand fictional drinking incidents on television.

Alcohol is involved in 50% of all driving fatalities.

In the United States, every 30 minutes someone is killed in an alcohol related traffic accident.

Over 15 million Americans are dependent on alcohol. 500,000 are between the age of 9 and 12.

Each year the liquor industry spends almost $2 billion dollars on advertising and encouraging the consumption of alcoholic beverages.

Americans spend over $90 billion dollars total on alcohol each year.

An average American may consume over 25 gallons of beer, 2 gallons of wine, and 1.5 gallons of distilled spirits each year.

Pregnant women who drink are feeding alcohol to their babies. Unfortunately the underdeveloped liver of the baby can only burn alcohol at half the rate of its mother, so the alcohol stays in the baby's system twice as long.

Each year students spend $5.5 billion on alcohol, more then they spend on soft drinks, tea, milk, juice, coffee, or books combined.

56% of students in grade 5 to 12 say that alcohol advertising encourages them to drink.

6.6% of employees in full time jobs report heavy drinking, defined as drinking five or more drinks per occasion on five or more days in the past 30 days.

The highest percentage of heavy drinkers (12.2%) is found among unemployed adults between the age of 26 to 34

Up to 40% of all industrial fatalities and 47% of industrial injuries can be linked to alcohol consumption and alcoholism.

In 2000, almost 7 million persons age 12 to 20 was a binge drinker; that is about one in five persons under the legal drinking age was a binge drinker.

The 2001 survey shows 25 million (one in ten) Americans surveyed reported driving under the influence of alcohol. This report is nearly three million more than the previous year. Among young adults age 18 to 25 years, almost 23% drove under the influence of alcohol.

Drunk driving is proving to be even deadlier then what we previously know. The latest death statistics released by the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA), using a new method of calculation show that 17,488 people where killed in alcohol related traffic accidents last year. This report represents nearly 800 more people where killed than the previous year.

Alcohol is the number 1 drug problem in America.

43% of Americans have been exposed to alcoholism in their families.

Nearly one out of 4 Americans admitted to general hospitals have alcohol problems or are undiagnosed alcoholics being diagnosed for alcohol related consequences.

Alcohol and alcohol related problems is costing the American economy at least $100 million in health care and lost of productivity every year.

Four in ten criminal offenders report alcohol as a factor in violence.

Among spouse violence victims, three out of four incidents were reported to have involved alcohol use by the offender.

In 1996, local law enforcement agencies made an estimated 1,467,300 arrests nationwide for driving under the influence of alcohol.

Love and Showing It

Before I met A.A., I was very unloving. From the time I went away to school, I paid very little attention to my mother and father. I was on my own and didn't even bother to keep in touch with them. After I got married, I was very unappreciative of my spouse. Many a time I would go out all by myself to have a good time. I paid too little attention to our children and didn't try to understand them or show them affection. My few friends were only drinking companions, not real friends. Have I gotten over loving nobody but myself?

This describes how I was most of the time. Did I only love myself? Of course not. I had a real problem showing it to others, though. I was unnappreciative... I was distant... defensive... arrogant. I spent much more of my time looking out for me and my instant gratification than building relationships and taking care of my loved ones.

Did I really love others? Of course I did... and do. I prefer to think that I wasn't some kind of monster before AA. I did, however, need alot of help learning to let go of myself and actually show some love.

Got a late night at work so I thought I'd go ahead and write early. Hope you're having a wonderful day!

Helplessness and Surrender

Getting pretty late, so this wont be a long one.

Work went really well. Just slooooow. I'll take slow over super busy any day, though. ;)

I really really like the thought for today...

Over a period of drinking years, we've proved to ourselves and to everybody else that we can't stop drinking by our own will power. We have been proved helpless before the power of alcohol. So the only way we could stop drinking was by turning to a Power greater than ourselves. We call that Power God. The time that you really get this program is when you get down on your knees and surrender yourself to God, as you understand Him. Surrender means putting your life into God's hands. Have I made a promise to God that I will try to live the way He wants me to live?

I talked about this a bit in my share at the Round Table meeting. About how I failed and failed until I opened up, surrendered, and admitted that I couldn't do it without God. He has given me the guidance and strength to truly recover, and for that, I am grateful.

Alright... I'm going to get ready for bed. Gotta close again tomorrow. Big fun. Have a great night, folks, and God bless!

Quality Porch Time

Just finished a late dinner and am getting ready to call it a night soon. It was a great day. Made a meeting, got a couple of things done, and hung out on the porch chatting with neighbors. It was a beautiful day for porch time... The sun came out, there was plenty of shade, and a cool breeze. Really enjoyed sitting back and watching the world whiz by. I should mention that the bottom step is perhaps 10 feet from the side of Napoleon Ave. Lot's of traffic, but peaceful nonetheless. (Nothing beats my folks porch in Georgia, though!)

I've been reading a book by Darrell Hammond of SNL fame called God, If You're Not Up There, I'm F@##ed. I've mentioned it here before. It deals with his life of addiction and abuse. I found an NPR interview from a while back where he talks about it. Some of it reminds me of the secret life I once led of drinking, suffering, and pain. It's indescribable and you feel you can't talk about it without being found out. I endured that for a long time to protect my disease. That fear and pride caused untold damage.

His story isn't identical to mine, of course. Actually our stories are quite dissimilar except for the alcohol. That poor guy went through alot of crap. Here's a link to his interview... This is pretty heavy stuff and may not be for everyone.

Darrell Hammond Interview on Fresh Air 11-07-11

I'm going to grab a snack and watch a little TV. Have a great night, world, and a blessed day tomorrow!

Old Habits Die Hard Pt. 5- Lust (Cornerstone Sermon 02-12-12)

Pastor Hutson assures us that, given the proximity to a certain notable day, this is just the order in which the sermon fell. Still relevant to love and relationships... among other things. Anything that is introduced to us that we want, that is unattainable, that will ultimately never satisfy us, but we still want it so bad causes lust. Like in addiction, I chased something that was destructive, was temporary relief at best, and only one never satisfied me. As they say, "One's too many and a thousand is never enough."

He brought up an interesting analogy... People who are lost at sea will often eventually start drinking sea water. They get so thirsty they convince themselves that it will be ok. Well, the more they drink, the thirstier they get. They keep drinking and eventually it kills them. Sounds kinda familiar.

Click on the link below to hear the sermon. I got a lot out of it.... Much of it deals with relationships, and I can always use advice on that!

Old Habits Die Hard Pt. 5- Lust

The stats that he presents at the beginning about human trafficking is both mind-blowing and scary. It's disgusting that some part of our society has created a very lucrative market for this.

Listening to this was an awesome way to start my day, and I have quite a bit to do. I'll be posting a little something special later on when I get back.

Until then... Have a great day!

The Dumb Kid's Lament

Sometimes we can't help thinking: Why can't we ever drink again? We know it's because we're alcoholics, but why did we have to get that way? The answer is that at some time in our drinking careers, we passed what is called our "tolerance point." When we passed this point, we passed from a condition in which we could tolerate alcohol to a condition in which we could not tolerate it at all. After that, if we took one drink, we would sooner or later end up drunk. When I think of liquor now, do I think of it as something that I can never tolerate again?

We talked about this earlier today at length. I shared that not being able to drink again isn't something that I lament. It's done way too much damage to my life. And the lives of others. It just isn't worth giving up my health and my future for.

I try to recall the point in my life where alcohol became something I couldn't manage. When I look long, hard, and honestly at it, I'd have to say from the very first drink. Given the family history on my mom's side and when I consider my own personality flaws, it's something that I should never have touched. Ever. But how do you tell the kind of kid I was that?

Now, in my mind, that sounds a bit like a cop-out. "Woe is me! I was just a dumb kid who didn't know better and now look at me!" I can assure you that it isn't the case at all. Later on in life, factors like self-discipline, maturity, and responsibility come into play. People grow up and move on from partying, bar-hopping, etc. I didn't. And it led me down a very dark path. I took people that I love with me.

I'm happy to say that those things appeal to me less and less these days. The kind of life I am steering toward now is infinitely more rewarding. And the people that I love? I'd like to think they'll want to walk down that sunny, beautifully landscaped path with me.

Goodnight and God Bless!

Moms and Meetings

My mom called me today. The mom in Alabama. She told me that she was hospitalized earlier in the week for malnutrition and dehydration. Neither of which surprised me. I'm so glad she's ok. The poor lady lives in squalor and usually only eats things like ramen noodles. I don't know where her money goes. She doesn't get much, but she doesn't pay for much either. I've sent her money a couple of times, but have no idea what she used it on. Sarah was right. If I ever help her out again, I'm just going to pay for a bill or something. Anyway. I made sure she had multi-vitamins in the house.

She also told me that she was detoxing. A bit perplexed, I asked her, "From what?" She said alcohol. We knew that she drank, and I already knew what she was going to say. I just wanted to hear her say it. Not out of spite or to embarrass her, she just needed to say it. I tried to explain to her the differences between abstinence and recovery. Talking over her, though, is like trying to talk over a stuck foghorn. I told her that I was glad she was trying to quit, but that she would need some sort of support system in her town. Didn't seem too interested in that. In any case, I wish her the best.

Called and talked to my sponsor earlier. We're going to try for a late lunch Tuesday. Had a great meeting too. It was a "share your story" format group. We had a guy talk about his past, his, disease, where it took him, and where he is now. A couple of things he shared jumped out at me. One was about how he created an identity for himself to try and make people like him. For him, it was the James Dean misunderstood rebel identity. For me, in school, I became the class clown... and my grades suffered for it. I had been doing very well, but was so desperate to be accepted.

Another big one was about how he tried to cover up his alcoholism. Sneaking, and lying, and so forth. Believe me when I tell you that that life is like a full-time job. When I say that, I mean 24/7 kinda full-time. It is exhausting and it takes a horrific toll. Words don't do justice to how happy I am to have left that lifestyle behind me.

Well. I'm going to finish this burger and listen to some music while I surf.

Giving Out Chips and All Hallow's Eve... Eve

Corny title, but hey, it's nice to have some of my goofiness back.

Had a good day at work. Had a really good... and surprising meeting too. I got there about 15 minutes early so I went in and helped set up. On my way to the restroom the moderator asked me if I would hand out chips. Not potato chips. Not fish and chips. AA chips. I paused for a moment. I'm always up for any kind of service work that is asked of me. Before I accept it, though, I give my sobriety date. Some service work requires that you've been in the program for a certain amount of time, you see. He said it was ok. It's not a monumental task. Doesn't have to be. I'm just stoked that I got asked... or as he put it "volun-told". It's a small reminder of how far I've come that someone actually singled me out to do something like that. Wouldn't have happened back when I was half-assing it. I just sort of lurked in the shadows back then.

We had a great speaker. He told us his story from when he was in boarding school and kind of sheltered to when he started his drinking career in a college fraternity. After college he said he'd become very successful at his job, but drank non-stop when he got home. His first wife divorced him and took the kids, and his second wife died of complications due to alcoholism. None of this gave him cause to stop himself. He said it wasn't until he'd suffered mild brain damage after an intense bender that he quit. I think the whole room found something to identify with in his story. I certainly did. Oh. I ran into my sponsor there too.

Now, some people have asked me what I'm going as for Halloween. I wince a bit at the question, but then answer that I'm working that night. I usually do something with friends. Dress up and go to a get together, watch a scary movie, then maybe walk up to the cemetery (and take pictures of it through the fence). It's fine though. Can't celebrate them all and I need the money. Gotta prioritize. Anyway... I'm off Wed. so I get to go see Buckwheat Zydeco and The Subdudes! Last free concert in Lafayette Square of the year. Woot.