Yets

Terrible things could have happened to any one of us. We never will know what might have happened to us when we were drunk. We usually thought: "That couldn't happen to me." But any one of us could have killed somebody or have been killed ourselves, if we were drunk enough. But fear of these things never kept us from drinking. Do I believe that in A.A. we have something more effective than fear?

They call them "yets". Something that hasn't happened, by the grace of God, but normally and eventually will if we continue on the same paths.

What are my "yets"? Well... I'm lucky enough never to have been in jail, or gotten into an auto accident under the influence, or got into any fights (was present at pretty big bar fight one night, but smart enough not to get involved), or hurt myself badly from doing some stupid stunt to impress people, or gotten cirrhosis and died. That's the ultimate "yet". Death. There are plenty more. And the reason that they are still "yets" is that if I ever went back to my old habits, any of those could happen....

Man, I really love that message.

Work was chaotic, but my evening was very nice. :) Watched some TV, had a great dinner, and am now getting ready for bed.

Goodnight, world!

I said "Yet"... Not "Yeti".

Out of Touch

It's been a bit of an odd day. Found out about some of my high school classmates who have passed over the years. It was a little shocking and sad to hear. Being away from where I raised for so long has kept me seriously out of touch. Until Myspace and Facebook came along, I hadn't talked to alot of friends and family for over a decade. So there is something to be said for social networking.

When I jetted out of Alabama, I never looked back. Traveled around the world, lived around the continent, and drank alot. Some people envy that lifestyle, but I learned the hard way that it usually just leads to loneliness. I never built any real relationships, and neglected the ones I already had. Heck. Sometimes a year or so would go by before I saw any of my family. That was my own choice, though. Pretty selfish... trading substance for a seat-of-your-pants, adventurous ideal. Do I regret it? Not necessarily. The things I saw and did were fantastic to say the least. Could I have gone about it in a better way? Most definitely.

My grandfather from my Dad's previous marriage passed away not too long ago. I hadn't talked to him in many years either. I suppose I figured (in my own sick way) that after the divorce I wasn't really part of the family anymore. My brother convinced me to visit them after the funeral. When I was told that he'd asked about me often, and they still kept pictures of me in the house, I was overcome with guilt and shame. A nasty concoction of pride and fear kept me away from folks who still loved me.

Talked to someone earlier today, a cousin from the same family, who told me of another passing. I didn't know her well, but was still sad to hear about her going. When the cousin sent me a message to call him, I felt that same anxiety come up. "I haven't talked to him in years." "What do I say?" For once I put all of that aside and called. I'm glad I did. Even though the circumstances were bad, it was good talking to him.

You probably gather by now that I've had alot on my mind. I think I've learned a little more about myself. With that said, it's getting late, and I have to be up very early. Until tomorrow, dear reader, goodnight and God bless.

God and Will

Hey! My favorite comfy chair just opened up at CC's. I'm having a cold ginger peach tea. It's t-shirt and shorts weather in New Orleans in November. Too warm out for a coffee.

Just got back uptown from the Mustard Seed. Finally got my new chip. My sobriety date is the 18th but I've been either having to work, or the meeting I was going to didn't have chips.... Excited to have it, but it's the date that really counts.

The meeting topic was good too. It was about ego, will and how they can interfere with the work of your Higher Power. Now I am still of the school that, for a large part, we make our own decisions and way through life with his guidance. There would be no accountability if we didn't. There are definitely things that God does directly in our lives. I have no doubt about that because I experience it everyday. And God guides us, protects us, gives us courage and wisdom when we ask for it. I ask for it every night. I thank him for keeping me sober another day and for the people he has put in my life. I also thank him for giving me another day on this planet. That's something that I once took as granted. I ask him to help me better myself and to put me in a position where I can better other people. I have some individual people that I pray for and thank him for too. I pray that he sees fit to bring one of those people back into my life. Prayer and faith can move mountains.... in recovery and in everyday living. You just have to give the steering wheel over to him.

That kind of turned into a paragraph about my relationship with God. That's ok, though. Wouldn't be here without him.

Something else from the Mustard Seed that kinda hit home was a lady who shared that she had come to the meeting to be around sober people. She didn't know if she was an alcoholic, but a recent event had shaken her. A neighbor who had just come back from the hospital had died. She described it pretty graphically. I wont do that here. He was at the hospital for some kind of alcohol related problem. When he'd gotten back he was shaking and obviously still detoxing. Don't know why they sent him home. That's a very dangerous time. Well. They found him a couple of days later surrounded by empty bottles. I've known people who have died from this disease and I know that I could very well have ended up like him. Thank God I didn't. And wont.

Working til 10:30 tonight, but I'll write again afterward.