Pain Removes the Veil

Thought I'd write a bit about what I heard in the Cornerstone sermon last night. At the very hub of the message, I was reminded of a lot about myself.

How I never grew up from the "Look at me!" mentality that is perfectly reasonable for a kid, but not for an adult.

How, for all of my life, I lived on the idea that this was my world. you just live in it.

And most importantly, in my addiction, how I never dropped the self-will that kept me in the same painful cycle. The sermon's title is My Glory to His Glory. That means something. I'm not god anymore. I turn all of the insanity and pride over to my Higher Power. I recognize that it's not about what people can do for me... It's about what I can do for people in his name.

Ego builds a cardboard fortress that humility must everyday tear down.

Very telling about how fragile even the largest egos are. That was a quote that Rusty found. Another was from CS Lewis... "Pain removes the veil; it plants the flag of truth within the fortress of a rebel soul."

For those who didn't catch the YouTube link last night, here's a link to the audio sermon...

Cornerstone Church Podcast: My Glory to His Glory

Hope the day is going great for you! May post something fun a bit later....

Old Habits Die Hard Pt. 6- Pride (Cornerstone Sermon Podcast 02-19-12)

Just got back from my 12 Step study and the amazing day that I was blessed with before that.

The Cornerstone sermon from Feb.19th was finally posted a couple of days ago, and I've been very anxious to share it. The last in the Old Habits Die Hard series is Pride. Arguably my biggest weakness and even more arguably the root of all evil... After listening to Josh Agerton talk about the role pride took in the story of the downfall of Adam and Eve, I've become more convinced that not only is the devil real, he exists in all of us as doubt, ego, mistrust, etc. Really. I could name a dozen traits like that, and they all reside in me.

Josh talks about a blogpost he found that is helpful in self-evaluation of just how proud one actually is. I was surprised that not all applied to me, but most did. Reading the comments, alot of people were uncomfortably surprised at how close the list hit home. Bear in mind that there is such thing as healthy pride and unhealthy pride. This is the unhealthy variety. The link is below...

The Fifty Fruits of Pride

And here is the link to the sermon. I recommend this one highly. It's the message that I have literally been waiting for in this series because I know how well it describes me. Pride was my main roadblock in recovery.

Old Habits Die Hard Pt. 6- Pride

Hey! Two awesome links in one night! I'm incredibly grateful for everything I"ve learned today... and from the Cornerstone podcasts. Now that the Old Habits series is over, I can't wait to see what they do next. It's an exciting church to be a part of. Even in anonymity... 5 and a half hours away.

Goodnight and peace be with you.

10 Things I've Gained In Recovery

Been meaning to write about something lately but I keep getting on other subjects....

Well I'm going to write about it tonight. What have I gained so far from my recovery? In true list style that someone would be very proud of, I'm going to lay some of it out. Here goes...

1- I connect better with people. Putting selfishness and ego away, I can now open up and show genuine interest and concern about them. I can feel and show emotion and empathize.

2- I connect with God. Before recovery, pride and fear kept me away from my Higher Power and spiritual growth. Also from how I was brought up.

3- No more waking up frantic, shaky, clammy, shameful, nauseous, or wanting another drink. No more calling in to work over that or going in thinking I'm about to pass out or being paranoid that someone may smell alcohol on me. No more picking up all the pieces when the walls come down.

4- Automatic pay raise. No more blowing money on something that was killing me and my relationships.

5- I don't have to lie anymore. I heard a guy share at a meeting the other night that he could tell the truth now without hurting people.

6- I can be the man I'm supposed to be for those I love. I'm no longer bound by an addiction that kept me a million miles away from effectively being the person they need. She needs. I can have a family and be the provider they'll depend on.

7- I can think clearly and make sound decisions again. Impulse and indecision don't slow me down like they once did.

8- I actually have motivation and drive. Consistency too. The ability to follow through on what I say.

9- I feel so much better about myself. Call it self-worth or self-esteem... Whatever it is, I'm more confident and have faith that I can do whatever I put my mind to.

10- I can go outside! When on a binge, I would stare out the blinds thinking of everything that I was missing in the world. Now if I want to go to the park... I go to the park.

That's just 10. Doesn't make me a Superman. Most people have all of that naturally. Some of us have to work on it. Some of those things people take for granted. I'll think of alot more. May even have to do a part 2 here.

And to the active addict who is suffering out there... Life can be so much better if you let go and ask for help. I did. Break those chains and see it for yourself. ;)

G'night.

Work and Sober Spending

Not much to write about really. Just went to work from CC's and got back a few minutes ago.

Work went well. I find I'm more patient with people in general. It makes alot of difference when you step back from your ego and see things from inside their shoes.

I have to say that I am humbled, too, from all the support that my co-workers have given me. They're awesome people and I am very thankful for them. One lady said she was bringing me Thanksgiving dinner Thursday. I'll be volunteering at the mission and going to the Round Table group that day, but I might be able to stop by and say hello.

Here's the thought for the day...

I no longer waste money, but try to put it to good use. Like all of us, when I was drunk, I threw money around like I really had it. It gave me a feeling of importance - a millionaire for a day. But the morning after, with an empty wallet and perhaps also some undecipherable checks, was a sad awakening. How could I have been such a fool? How will I ever make it up? Thoughts like these get you down. When we are sober, we spend our hard-earned money as it should be spent. Although perhaps some of us could be more generous in our A.A. giving, at least we do not throw it away. Am I making good use of my money?

I have been making much better use of my money. I've been paying off old credit debts. Trying to fix my credit actually (I owe a young lady a house...LOL). Been keeping up with the few bills I have, and eating as well as possible. I try to save anything that's left. Things are looking good for getting a new job too. I've had a couple of bites, but may not get a real interview until after Thanksgiving.

Well. That's it for now. I have 3 days off that I'm going to put to good use.

Goodnight.