Step Study Night and This Week's Cornerstone Sermon

"Be quick to listen... Slow to speak... And slow to become angry."

Rusty is back this week with words to live by! It's part 2 of Cornerstone's Book of James series.

Learned quite a bit about listening, communication, and putting what we learn to use in our everyday lives to become better people. I'm not really in a position to be a foster parent, but there are a couple of touching videos later in the sermon about it.

At my 12 and 12 meeting we discussed step 5, who we went to with our life stories, and the differences between the Little Red Book and the 12 Steps, 12 Traditions book. I told my life story to my sponsor, but some choose fellow members or people completely outside of AA. Strangers, clergy, counselors...

Got work bright and early (ok... not so bright and early). Gonna get ready to turn in anyway. Have a great night and God Bless!

Old Habits Die Hard Pt. 6- Pride (Cornerstone Sermon Podcast 02-19-12)

Just got back from my 12 Step study and the amazing day that I was blessed with before that.

The Cornerstone sermon from Feb.19th was finally posted a couple of days ago, and I've been very anxious to share it. The last in the Old Habits Die Hard series is Pride. Arguably my biggest weakness and even more arguably the root of all evil... After listening to Josh Agerton talk about the role pride took in the story of the downfall of Adam and Eve, I've become more convinced that not only is the devil real, he exists in all of us as doubt, ego, mistrust, etc. Really. I could name a dozen traits like that, and they all reside in me.

Josh talks about a blogpost he found that is helpful in self-evaluation of just how proud one actually is. I was surprised that not all applied to me, but most did. Reading the comments, alot of people were uncomfortably surprised at how close the list hit home. Bear in mind that there is such thing as healthy pride and unhealthy pride. This is the unhealthy variety. The link is below...

The Fifty Fruits of Pride

And here is the link to the sermon. I recommend this one highly. It's the message that I have literally been waiting for in this series because I know how well it describes me. Pride was my main roadblock in recovery.

Old Habits Die Hard Pt. 6- Pride

Hey! Two awesome links in one night! I'm incredibly grateful for everything I"ve learned today... and from the Cornerstone podcasts. Now that the Old Habits series is over, I can't wait to see what they do next. It's an exciting church to be a part of. Even in anonymity... 5 and a half hours away.

Goodnight and peace be with you.

The Saddest Amends

Made amends with my biological mom tonight. This will be the only one that I openly write about.

Someone asked me what amends could I possibly need to make with her. Simply saying, "I'm sorry." or "I was wrong about something." isn't what it's all about, though. There's decades of resentment and hurt in that relationship. I followed my sponsor's advice and told her that I didn't always know where she was coming from or what was going on in her life. I then told her I was sorry that I don't see her very often... Or call very often. And I told her that I know I wasn't always the best son. I think she got uncomfortable and changed the topic.

Amends aren't about us, you see. They are for the other person. Yes, we stand to gain from them, but our benefits are purely spiritual. Someone told me how liberating this step is, but I have to say, this particular amends was sad. I'm not sure she totally understood what I was doing or saying, but I got the message across. The heartbreaking thing is, that due to her lifestyle... and our history, we'll never be close.

In brighter news... I picked my chip up at the 12 and 12. That cheered me up. We had alot of newcomers, so we did a group conscience and decided to start back on the 1st step study for them. It was a great meeting.

Well. I have to be up very early, so I'm going to head back and start winding down.

Have a good night and an awesome tomorrow!

3 Month Chips...
Now in Christmas green!

New Chips and Downer Days

Got up. Went to work. And here I am. Back at the Rue writing.

Wasn't able to make a meeting because I got off about an hour too late. I'll have to pick my chip up at the 12 and 12 tomorrow night. Really looking forward to that.

It was kind of a downer day for me. We beat MN, so that pepped me up a bit. Recovery is going very well, and I thank God for that. I have a lot to be grateful for. Thing is... I know she has to heal, but it's just hard when the most important person in your life wont even talk to you. It's hard not being a part of that person's life. Even the everyday stuff like going to Target. It's even harder not knowing when... or if that person is coming back. I deal with that everyday. It's not easy by any stretch of the imagination, but she's worth the wait. She is so worth the wait. One of the gifts this program has given me (and maybe even her), is that I can show her the love and care that was so difficult to show when I wasn't recovering.

I don't want to do a whole "Woe is me and my painful heart..." post, but that's honestly where I'm coming from today and writing about it helps.

So what happened today that rocked? Hmm... I seem to be getting over my cough. Again, the Saints won. I was a little standoffish about pro-sports after the lockout, but I've mellowed alot lately, and they are great for the city. May not have gotten my chip today, but today is still a milestone in my recovery.

And I spent another day alive and sober on God's Green Earth. Now that, my friend, truly rocks.

Killing Time

Got a couple of hours before my meeting, so I came down to CC's. Bought a coffee and am listening to Cake on Spotify. Tonight is our 12 and 12 book study. 12 steps, 12 traditions. Haven't been to it in a while because of work.

Ah.... Now I'm listening to The Cure's cover of Purple Haze. Got my songs all jumbled up.

I did get to thinking when I was walking by The Rendezvous bar. Saw a sign outside that had drink specials on it. It's just something that I don't want anymore. I have absolutely no desire to go back to that way of life. It's sad and useless. Don't get me wrong, Bars and clubs don't bother me. I can go in and drink diet cokes all night. Whether it's watching a game, seeing a band, or even dancing... That's not true for all alcoholics, not something I'd do without Sarah, and I haven't even done any of that stuff lately anyway.

Jay's problems with alcohol came from Jay. Not his location. My sponsor does advise to always have an out, however. Advice I shall heed to the letter when those occasions arise. It's something to take into account for the future. Right now, though, I'm concentrating on today.

Let's see... Work went well. Still coughing from when I was sick the other day. Nothing else much of interest to write about this second.

I may write more after my meeting.