Quality Porch Time

Just finished a late dinner and am getting ready to call it a night soon. It was a great day. Made a meeting, got a couple of things done, and hung out on the porch chatting with neighbors. It was a beautiful day for porch time... The sun came out, there was plenty of shade, and a cool breeze. Really enjoyed sitting back and watching the world whiz by. I should mention that the bottom step is perhaps 10 feet from the side of Napoleon Ave. Lot's of traffic, but peaceful nonetheless. (Nothing beats my folks porch in Georgia, though!)

I've been reading a book by Darrell Hammond of SNL fame called God, If You're Not Up There, I'm F@##ed. I've mentioned it here before. It deals with his life of addiction and abuse. I found an NPR interview from a while back where he talks about it. Some of it reminds me of the secret life I once led of drinking, suffering, and pain. It's indescribable and you feel you can't talk about it without being found out. I endured that for a long time to protect my disease. That fear and pride caused untold damage.

His story isn't identical to mine, of course. Actually our stories are quite dissimilar except for the alcohol. That poor guy went through alot of crap. Here's a link to his interview... This is pretty heavy stuff and may not be for everyone.

Darrell Hammond Interview on Fresh Air 11-07-11

I'm going to grab a snack and watch a little TV. Have a great night, world, and a blessed day tomorrow!

The Disease of Addiction

Teresa sent me this earlier today. It's an essay by an unknown person. For anyone who doesn't understand the disease of alcoholism or wants to understand it more, these words sum it up very well.

Unfortunately I have had a very emotional night, so I will need some time to wrap my head around things. Meeting with my sponsor tomorrow and going to a meeting. Staying on top of my recovery, just have other stuff going on too.

I'm Your Disease.... I hate meetings. I hate HIGHER POWER. I hate anyone who has a program. TO ALL WHO COME IN CONTACT WITH ME, I WISH YOU SUFFERING.

Allow me to introduce myself. I AM THE DISEASE OF ADDITION: CUNNING, BAFFLING, and POWERFUL, that's me. I have killed millions, and I am pleased. I love to catch you with the element of suprise, I love pretending I am your friend and lover. I have iven you comfort, have I not? Wasn't I there when you were lonely? When you wanted ti die, didn't you call me? I was there. I LOVE TO MAKE YOU HURT. I LOVE TO MAKE YOU CRY. BETTER YET, I LOVE WHEN I MAKE YOU SO NUMB YOU CAN NEITHER HURT NOR CRY. You can't feel anything at all. This is true glory. I will give you instant gratification and all I ask of you is long-term suffering. I've been there for you always. When things were going right in your life, you invited me. You said you didn't deserve these good things; I was the only one who would agree with you. Together we were able to destroy all things good in your life.

People don't take me seriously. They take strokes seriously, heart attacks seriously, even diabetes they take seriously. Fools that they are, they don't know that without my help these things would not be so possible in your life.

More than you hate me, I hate all of you who have a twelve step program. Your program, your meetings, your higher power all weaken me and I can't function in the manner I am accustomed to.

Now I must lie here quietly. You don't see me, but I am growing bigger than ever. When you only exist, I may live. When you live, I only exist.