I love Christmas, but this one was the biggest challenge to my recovery yet. I stayed strong and pushed through it, though. I think it was obvious to anyone within 50 yards that I wasn't the happiest elf in the workshop. I owned my feelings, however, and tried to make it as pleasant for everyone around me as possible. Didn't drink. Talked to my sponsor. Called my family... Even my bio-mom. Knowing that a conversation with her wouldn't be very productive, I still wanted to wish her a Merry Christmas. She didn't disappoint. The first thing she tells me regarding her holiday is about the laxative she took this morning.
Funny thing... We had some musical lights playing near where I was working. I thought to myself, "Well. Now is a good time to unplug them since we wont need them tomorrow." I walked over to them, and I couldn't bring myself to turn them off. I suppose there is still a small part of me that hates to see Christmas go.
To be quite honest, all I looked forward to today was finding the quiet serenity of my new apartment. Here's the Thought for the Day from 24 Hours...
Many alcoholics will be saying today: "This is a good Christmas for me." They will be looking back over past Christmases, which were not like this one. They will be thanking God for their sobriety and their newfound life. They will be thinking about how their lives were changed when they came into A.A. They will be thinking that perhaps God let them live through all the hazards of their drinking careers, when they were perhaps often close to death, in order that they might be used by Him in the great work of A.A. Is this a happy Christmas for me?
I'm happy that I've lived another sober day on this earth. I'm happy in my recovery. And I am eternally grateful to God for everything. But, no. This wasn't a happy Christmas. Ya know what, though. Maybe not all of them will be great, and that's ok. :)
On a brighter note... I certainly hope you and your's had a spectacular holiday. I very much look forward to next year's.
I wish everyone Peace, Love, and Joy! Joyeux Noel!