For years I didn't go neeeeaaaarly far enough. I shared about my times in treatment when I thought I was recovering, but was really more interested in being a know-it-all amateur counselor or the head of my clique. I think we see a pattern of ego rather than humility there. That has been one of my biggest adversaries in the past years. Lack of humility. My self-will told me I could do it on my own... or that I was doing it on my own. I could certainly talk the talk and convince people that I was doing what I needed to be doing. Ends up that the biggest person I was fooling was myself. As a result, when it came time to visit my old friend Mr. Smirnoff, I barely gave it a second thought. I'd tell myself no. Not being in active recovery, however, it really wasn't up to me. I was in the grip of addiction. Being in recovery, though, was up to me.
So. How far am I going now? Let me tell you what I did today. I got up and walked downtown for the Mustard Seed meeting. Got there early and set up. Then I walked back uptown and wrote in this very blog. Listened to some music and did a little research. Web-surfed for a bit. Picked up some cough drops afterward and went straight to my other meeting. Talked to a girl who is in a nearby treatment facility after group was done about her first Christmas without her dad. Came here to the Rue and contacted my sponsor about hooking up Saturday morning to talk about my 8th and 9th steps. Now I'm writing again.... And I will pray tonight thanking my Higher Power for, among other things, another day sober.
I've been actively and enthusiastically going to meetings since before I came back to New Orleans. As soon as I got back here, I snagged a great sponsor. We started working the steps not long after that. Started this blog not long after getting back too. It helps me immensely and it helps others. I do service work and I volunteer. I got reconnected with God. I've changed how I go about doing things. And there's more... That's how far I gone and come. Never been neeeaaarrrly this far into it before. Yeah, there's still work to do. Life is life, and it will still suck sometimes.
There's nothing I can't deal with, however, if I keep working an honest and earnest recovery.
Goodnight, world.
Hey, just found your blog! Sounds like you're doing a great job. It worries me because right now I am doing it all on my own, no groups, no sponsor, no nothing. Just my head. So far so good but ... to be honest sometimes it just feels too easy. Thanks for sharing xxx
ReplyDeleteHi Mrs. D! Thank you for the kind words.
ReplyDeleteI'm not really in a position to give advice, but I can share my experience. It seems like if it feels too easy, it probably is. I only know of 2 people who have ever successfully quit on their own. And that's out of hundreds.
I tried it on my own for a long time, did ok for a while, then went right back to it. And I hurt alot of people because of that.
What I'd do is commit to perhaps one meeting. Talk to another lady in there who has been in the program for a long time and just see what she has to say. I got into AA full throttle this time around and it has done wonders. Not for just keeping me sober, but life in general. Those steps really work.
I wish you nothing but success and I hope to hear from you again. :)