Sticks and Bricks

We had a really good speaker at homegroup tonight. Something he said jumped out at me. He talked about what our recovery is built on. The house that stands for a hundred years is built on a strong foundation.

I immediately thought of a children's story that I'm sure we're all familiar with... My recovery is only as strong as what I put into it. If I build straw or stick houses, the wolf (my own pride and complacency) is going to keep coming back to blow them down. Hard work, diligence, and faith are the things bricks are made of.

Our Higher Power, however, is the strongest part of that foundation. My previous meeting today was another speaker meeting. She brought up the meditation from 24 Hours A Day. I think it relates pretty well to that aspect of what we all discussed tonight...

"Hallowed be Thy Name." What does that mean to us? Here "name" is used in the sense of "spirit." The words mean praise to God for His spirit in the world, making us better. We should be especially grateful for God's spirit, which gives us the strength to overcome all that is base in our lives. His spirit is powerful. It can help us to live a conquering, abundant life. So we praise and thank Him for His spirit in our lives and in the lives of others.

Well. It's getting late and I'm pretty pooped. Today was a great day in recovery. Good night, all, and God Bless.

A Little Help and Guidance

It is not your circumstances that need altering so much as yourself. After you have changed, conditions will naturally change. Spare no effort to become all that God would have you become. Follow every good leading of your conscience. Take each day with no backward look. Face the day's problems with God, and seek God's help and guidance as to what you should do in every situation that may arise. Never look back. Never leave until tomorrow the thing that you are guided to do today.

Monday Round-Up 5-21-12

Hey peeps. Just going through my Monday rounds and found my Cornerstone sermon from yesterday... The Book of James- Week 6. Still in the process of viewing it, but I figured I'd go ahead and post it. Another early day tomorrow so I'll need to turn in soon.

I was looking at today's thought, Cupcake liked the meditation, so I'm posting both because I thought both were really good....

Thought for the Day-

One of the finest things about A.A. is the sharing. Sharing is a wonderful thing because the more you share the more you have. In our old drinking days, we didn't do much sharing. We used to keep things to ourselves, partly because we were ashamed, but mostly because we were selfish. And we were very lonely because we didn't share. When we came into A.A., the first thing we found was sharing. We heard other alcoholics frankly sharing their experiences with hospitals, jails, and all the usual mess that goes with drinking. Am I sharing?

Meditation-

Character is developed by the daily discipline of duties done. Be obedient to the heavenly vision and take the straight way. Do not fall into the error of calling "Lord, Lord," and doing not the things that should be done. You need a life of prayer and meditation, but you must still do your work in the busy ways of life. The busy person is wise to rest and wait patiently for God's guidance. If you are obedient to the heavenly vision, you can be at peace.

Years ago I learned about "the Triangle". It basically represents the balance between work, rest, and play. One is just as important as the other in life. Where is there progress without work? Where is there rejuvenation and healing without rest? Or where can someone experience the simplest and grandest joys in life without play?

Well. That's alot to chew on and I've certainly been enlightened! Sarah's flight got canceled today so we get to spend one more evening together for the week. Gonna sign off, but I hope you have a great night and a blessed tomorrow...

Glass Houses

Try saying: "God bless her (or him)" of anyone who is in disharmony with you. Also say it of those who are in trouble through their own fault. Say it, willing that showers of blessings may fall upon them. Let God do the blessing. Leave to God the necessary correcting or disciplining. You should only desire blessing for them. Leave God's work to God. Occupy yourself with the task that He gives you to do. God's blessing will also break down all your own difficulties and build up all your successes.

That was always one of my big problems. Jay was more worried about other people and didn't concentrate enough on Jay. That can be a major distraction to your own development when you constantly critique and judge others... Like I did... And am still not 100 percent free of the flaw.

I've found that the best way to preserve my serenity is to pray for rather than judge. When I take a good look at myself and my past I realize that I am in absolutely no position cast stones. And I can't be more thankful that so many have prayed for me rather than judging me.

Had a good day at work, had an awesome poboy for dinner, and am now winding down for the night. Very early day tomorrow!

Peace....

Yets

Terrible things could have happened to any one of us. We never will know what might have happened to us when we were drunk. We usually thought: "That couldn't happen to me." But any one of us could have killed somebody or have been killed ourselves, if we were drunk enough. But fear of these things never kept us from drinking. Do I believe that in A.A. we have something more effective than fear?

They call them "yets". Something that hasn't happened, by the grace of God, but normally and eventually will if we continue on the same paths.

What are my "yets"? Well... I'm lucky enough never to have been in jail, or gotten into an auto accident under the influence, or got into any fights (was present at pretty big bar fight one night, but smart enough not to get involved), or hurt myself badly from doing some stupid stunt to impress people, or gotten cirrhosis and died. That's the ultimate "yet". Death. There are plenty more. And the reason that they are still "yets" is that if I ever went back to my old habits, any of those could happen....

Man, I really love that message.

Work was chaotic, but my evening was very nice. :) Watched some TV, had a great dinner, and am now getting ready for bed.

Goodnight, world!

I said "Yet"... Not "Yeti".

This New World

Having found my way into this new world by the grace of God and the help of A.A., am I going to take that first drink, when I know that just one drink will change my whole world? Am I deliberately going back to the suffering of that alcoholic world? Or am I going to hang onto the happiness of this sober world? Is there any doubt about the answer? With God's help, am I going to hang onto A.A. with both hands?

I'm finally at a point in my life where I realize that there are just some things in this world I can't do... I can't compose a piano concerto. I can't manipulate that one little subatomic particle that turns lead into gold. And I can't drink. At least not without destroying what little I've built and bringing everything and everyone down around me.

One drink is all it takes. One drink and that meltdown is right around the corner. For an alcoholic, you cannot stop at just one drink. For most of us it stops when we either run out of money or can't physically raise the glass to your head.

I'm grateful for this new way of living that my Higher Power has not only shown me, but helped me to maintain.

Goodnight!

Go Out and Do

Never give up that child within you. The one who finds wonder in the simplest, everyday things. The inner kid who looks in the distance and says, "Wow. I want to see what that place is like." Even if it's driving 20 minutes down the road to sit in a park you've never been to.

This world is so big. You only get one shot at experiencing it through your limited human eyes.

I guess my challenge for tonight is to do one thing this week that you have never done. Whether it's a family activity, or just broadening your own horizons....

Just go out and do.

Take advantage of the one earthly life God has given you.

Playing Atlas (Badly)

Pride stands sentinel at the door of the heart and shuts out the love of God. God can only dwell with the humble and the obedient. Obedience to God's will is the key unlocking the door to God's kingdom. You cannot obey God to the best of your ability without in time realizing God's love and responding to that love. The rough stone steps of obedience lead up to where the mosaic floor of love and joy is laid. Where God's spirit is, there is your home. There is heaven for you.

The proud addict believes that there is no greater power than themselves. They are desperately struggling to hold their own sad little worlds together. They aren't happy worlds by any stretch of the imagination. As a matter of fact, most of them are just short of sheer make-believe. We try to maintain a facade that everything is ok. While playing Atlas (and badly) all we can think about is the next drink.

I've found that the world my Higher Power has to offer is not only liberating, but much more beautiful than that dark, hellish place I locked myself in.

Insanity is voluntarily living that hell to maintain a destructive disease. It's where Jay got by trying to run the show himself.

I'm glad to finally have that horrible world off my shoulders.

Goodnight!

What Would a Mature Adult Do?

I just got back in from my men's group. It was a birthday speaker meeting. This guy had alot of the same problems that I did finding recovery. He resisted, tried to do it on his own, went to meetings but never got a sponsor, didn't turn it over to God, relapsed... It's not a unique story at all. I've learned that most of the people who found success in the program had a pretty sticky time at first. That doesn't necessarily give one license to run wild with the idea that it's ok to slip and slide before getting a firm grip on sobriety. Other people suffer along the way. Our selfishness told us that we weren't responsible for that pain. I've come to discover that we very much are.Especially when we choose alcohol over the people we love. It may very well be the disease causing that horrible lapse in judgement, but at some point, enough has to be enough.

That makes me wonder how many people question my recovery. It's only natural and very fair that they would. I can tell you that I never planned to be an addict. I didn't wake up one day in grade school and say, "When I grow up, I'm going to lay on the couch drunk everyday and watch The Price is Right." I can also tell you that it would be a pretty grim and somewhat cynical assumption that I would be an active alcoholic for the rest of my life. There's no difference between that and a death sentence. I plan to have a home and a family. It's something that I have always wanted, and now it's more than just possible... It's a certainty as long as I work my program. As long as I am recovering.

The most profound thing I walked away with tonight was something our speaker said his sponsor told him. That when he was faced with a problem or conundrum to ask himself, "What would a mature adult do?" It's such a simple question, but I love it and plan to use it.

The rest of the day was business as usual. Worked most of it. Went to the park before my meeting and saw my ducks... and squirrels...and nutria... The bus driver almost knows me by name now. Really nice guy. We chat and exchange pleasantries almost everyday. He is straight up, old school New Orleanian. I'm almost going to feel guilty when I get my car. I'm sure he'll understand.

Have a wonderful night and God bless!

All Things New: Defeated to Conquered (Cornerstone Sermon Vodcast 04-01-12)

It's my Monday round-up of inspiration! I so look forward to that Cornerstone sermon... And my daily meditation...

Remember that the first quality of greatness is service. In a way, God is the greatest servant of all, because He is always waiting for us to call on Him to help us in all good endeavor. His strength is always available to us, but we must ask it of Him through our own free will. It is a free gift, but we must sincerely seek for it. A life of service is the finest life we can live. We are here on earth to serve others. That is the beginning and the end of our real worth.

Give Yourself Some Credit

You are a human being. You are capable of wonderful, spectacular things. Nothing we do that is truly worthwhile is possible without the grace of God. Don't sell yourself short, though.

God has given us the power of choice and freewill. The good we do in this world comes from us... with His guidance. And we do our good in His name.

God is all around us. His spirit pervades the universe. And yet we often do not let His spirit in. We try to get along without His help and we make a mess of our lives. We can do nothing of any value without God's help. All our human relationships depend on this. When we let God's spirit rule our lives, we learn how to get along with others and how to help them.

I've found that I could not have been of truly effective service without His help. Nor could I help myself without the guidance of that Higher Power.

You are your own person. That's God's gift. So what are you going to do with it?

Goodnight :)

Worth the Climb

Each day is a day of progress, steady progress forward, if you make it so. You may not see it, but God does. God does not judge by outward appearance. He judges by the heart. Let Him see in your heart a simple desire always to do His will. Though you may feel that your work has been spoiled or tarnished, God sees it as an offering for Him. When climbing a steep hill, a person is often more conscious of the weakness of his stumbling feet than of the view, the grandeur, or even of the upward progress.

Had a decent day at work. Been spending some good quality time with someone very special lately.

My bro and I used to climb Stone Mt. in Georgia almost every day. It was so steep in the last stretch that all I could do was watch the next step in front of me, gasp for air, and wonder if I was going to make it to the top. Once up, it was an effort to even breathe. After sitting for a couple of minutes, I looked around and enjoyed the view. This really was worth the work.

When treading a challenging path, I like to be mindful of the next step in front of me. I also like to enjoy the process of getting to the top of that mountain.

Goodnight, peeps!

As Good as the Next Person

Before I met A.A., I was very dishonest. I lied to my spouse constantly about where I had been and what I'd been doing. I took time off from my work and pretended I'd been sick or gave some other dishonest excuse. I was dishonest with myself, as well as with other people. I would never face myself as I really was or admit when I was wrong. I pretended to myself that I was as good as the next person, although I suspected I wasn't. Am I now really honest?

I totally agree with everything that I read in today's thought... Except for one item.

I had myself fooled into thinking that I was as good as the next person? Sure. I did some really crappy things to a lot of people. Folks who by no means deserved that behavior. Was I a bad human being? No.

Even in the height of my addiction, I'd still have given another the shirt off my back. I was never some evil kind of monster...

I was very selfish in my actions. I didn't give a lot of thought to consequences. And yes... I called in to work often. Those behaviors began to away when I first started my steps and reconnected with God.

I'm very grateful! Have a good night...

Pain Removes the Veil

Thought I'd write a bit about what I heard in the Cornerstone sermon last night. At the very hub of the message, I was reminded of a lot about myself.

How I never grew up from the "Look at me!" mentality that is perfectly reasonable for a kid, but not for an adult.

How, for all of my life, I lived on the idea that this was my world. you just live in it.

And most importantly, in my addiction, how I never dropped the self-will that kept me in the same painful cycle. The sermon's title is My Glory to His Glory. That means something. I'm not god anymore. I turn all of the insanity and pride over to my Higher Power. I recognize that it's not about what people can do for me... It's about what I can do for people in his name.

Ego builds a cardboard fortress that humility must everyday tear down.

Very telling about how fragile even the largest egos are. That was a quote that Rusty found. Another was from CS Lewis... "Pain removes the veil; it plants the flag of truth within the fortress of a rebel soul."

For those who didn't catch the YouTube link last night, here's a link to the audio sermon...

Cornerstone Church Podcast: My Glory to His Glory

Hope the day is going great for you! May post something fun a bit later....

Confession Through Sharing

Strength comes from honestly telling your own experiences with drinking. In religion, they call it confession. We call it witnessing or sharing. You give a personal witness, you share your past experiences, the troubles you got into, the hospitals, the jails, the break up of your home, the money wasted, the debts, and all the foolish things you did when you were drinking. This personal witness lets out the things you had kept hidden, brings them out into the open, and you find release and strength. Am I receiving strength from my personal witnessing?

That's why I share at every meeting that I can. Even if I'm telling the same story over again, it helps me. That is one of the reasons they call it a selfish program.

I was talking to someone earlier about the 5th Step. That's when you tell your life story to a second party. It could be God, it could be a priest, or it could be your sponsor. Heck. It could be a stranger on the street. I chose my sponsor... and for good reason. God already knows my life story. Your sponsor is someone that your Higher Power put here to guide you. The more they know about you (and your skeletons) the better. The more effectively they can serve you.

After the steps, sponsorship is a vital service to newcomers. That's why I don't take it lightly. That's why I didn't stampede right into sponsorship when I finished those steps. People's lives are at stake.

Well. It's very late, and I need to go to bed. Have a great night and keep the faith!

These Hallowed Halls

Strength comes from the fellowship you find when you come into A.A. Just being with men and women who have found the way out gives you a feeling of security. You listen to the speakers, you talk with other members, and you absorb the atmosphere of confidence and hope that you find in the place. Am I receiving strength from the fellowship with other A.A. members?

I find the most wonderful fellowship in the group, but my real church is the world. Just to name some examples... Hatcher Pass is one of the most glorious halls I've ever been in. The streets of Masan, South Korea have brought me some of the most fulfilling fellowship.

God gave us a great big planet. His glory isn't just found in a chapel. It's literally everywhere. You just have to occasionally look up and say thanks. Especially when you find some little thing that inspires your soul.

Sitting on a porch tonight, watching the rain come down, and talking with my friends inspired me beyond words. Don't waste your life looking for beauty. It will find you. If you open your heart. Trust me. ;)

What I Do Today

In A.A. we forget about the future. We know from experience that as time goes on, the future takes care of itself. Everything works out well, as long as we stay sober. All we need to think about is today. When we get up in the morning and see the sun shining in the window, we thank God that He has given us another day to enjoy because we're sober, a day in which we may have a chance to help somebody. Do I know that this day is all I have and that with God's help I can stay sober today?

Some may think it a bit irresponsible to not worry about the future. That the future will take care of itself. The operative word here, however, is worry. I have plenty of goals that I hope to see come to fruition. Some are for today... Some may be a little down the road. I just know that I can't stress out about something that hasn't happened yet. Whatever the future holds, the things I do now will ensure that it's great. All insecurity and worry will do is slow me down. Perhaps even bring some old behaviors back to the surface.

It's only natural to experience anxiety in the face of the unknown, but there are healthy ways of dealing with it. Through God and working the steps I have learned how to better let go of tomorrow and concentrate on shaping it by what I do today.

And today was a good day. Work went well. Had a couple of thunderstorms blow through. I like thunderstorms. The boss bought the staff Popeye's chicken, which one day I will learn may only be a good idea while you're eating it. Still appreciated it, though. Good stuff, just very greasy.

Anyhow. Early day tomorrow so I'll be going to bed soon.

Have a great night, world!

The Dangers of Social Networking

God's spirit is all about you all day long. You have no thoughts, no plans, no impulses and no emotions that He does not know about. You can hide nothing from Him. Do not make your conduct conform only to that of the world and do not depend on the approval or disapproval of others. God sees in secret, but He rewards openly. If you are in harmony with the Divine Spirit, doing your best to live the way you believe God wants you to live, you will be at peace.

This thought sort of addresses something I posted late last night. I was feeling angry and perhaps bitter about some of the profiles I saw by "friends" on Facebook. That's the danger of social networking. It's so easy to take things personally. It can rob you of your serenity.

Sure. Not many of these NOLA people are real friends. I can't blame them for living their lives though. Even if it's without me. I can always meet new, more emotionally well-adjusted folks. Hell. I already have.

I took that post down because I don't want to express myself through anger.

On a positive note... I got to talk to one of my mentors in recovery today. I'll see ya in June, JW!

Goodnight.

6 Months Old

Wow. Doesn't feel like it's been that long. How did I do it? Well... The thought for the day just about sums it up.

When we alcoholics first come into A.A. and we face the fact that we must spend the rest of our life without liquor, it often seems like an impossibility to us. So A.A. tells us to forget about the future and take it one day at a time. All we really have is now. We have no past time and no future time. As the saying goes: "Yesterday is gone, forget it; tomorrow never comes, don't worry; today is here, get busy." All we have is the present. The past is gone forever and the future never comes. When tomorrow gets here, it will be today. Am I living one day at a time?

We can't live our lives stressed about the future or a possible outcome that may never be. We can't live our lives haunted by a past we can't change. We can only learn from it.

I have today. With God's help I know I wont drink. I know that I can maintain my serenity and complete the tasks at hand. I know that I'm a more effective, more productive person.

I've done alot in these 6 months. Made my quality of life much better, did 12 life-changing steps, and have mended some relationships that I had neglected before.

I thank God and the folks who stood behind me for making it possible.

Have a great night, world!

Much love. -Jay

Jay's St. Patrick's Day That Was

It... was... a... never... ending... procession... of drunk people. I didn't find it a threat to my sobriety. Just the opposite. If I acted like some of the people I had to deal with today, I'd be red with shame. I'm not judging folks who drink responsibly and have a good time. It's the hundreds of people who trash the workplace, pee in the alleyway outside, flirt relentlessly, and challenge you when they are told something they don't want to hear. It went on for 8 HOURS STRAIGHT. Dealing with 30 and 40 year olds who act like they are in kindergarten.

Thank God I had someone to talk with that kept me in a decent frame of serenity. That's an awesome thing in recovery when you know that you have someone you can go to. Thanks Teresa and Karl!

It took today for me to further realize that after a certain age it's time to grow up. In my experience, the most successful people are the most boring people. I'd rather be boring with a family than stuck in some kind of sad Peter Pan syndrome.

Some may find me judgmental. Perhaps that's true on some level. I will, however, risk sounding like that by saying that I have a unique perspective on smart and irresponsible drinking.

I don't rant often on these pages. After all. I was one of those drunk people at one point in my life. I'm under no kind of illusion.

On the positive side, today is over for me. I later spent some time with some emotionally healthy people. Had some great food. And now I'm going to watch the rest of SNL.

It could have been a seriously fun day. I took some pics on my phone. Unfortunately I had no one to share the parade with. And I had to work a crappy job.

That's stuff I have within my power to change. Trust me. I will. I'm tired of being the mouse.

Don't worry. I'm feelin' good about things. Good night and God Bless!