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Wednesday, October 12, 2011

The Good and the Bad

Today started on a really upbeat note for me. I made my daily call to my sponsor. We arranged to read the first 5 chapters of the Big Book aloud starting Saturday morning before the "On the Dot" meeting. I readily and happily agreed. Still I kinda dreaded getting up that early. Then I thought... You never had a problem getting up at the butt-crack of dawn to run across the street and buy another bottle. You can sure as hell get up for this. Have to say I'm looking forward to it. AND I haven't been to that meeting in a while.

Speaking of meetings, I've been getting alot out of the "Mustard Seed" downtown. It's a small group. Mostly business people on lunch. I spoke at length about anger the other day and learned quite a bit about myself from just being honest. Today we discussed the importance of making meetings regularly. I shared how I used to be a clockwatcher, paying more attention to the time than what was being said. But then I shared that in the past weeks I've actually been listening. This has made an entire world of difference. I now look forward to my meetings... sometimes making two a day. My entire outlook has started to evolve into something much healthier. I've even started making friends, which is something else I never bothered to do.

After that I had a nice lunch by myself beside the river. The river is kind of my place. I get a little bit of serenity from watching the ships go by or just watching it flow. After that I found my usual seat at PJ's coffee on Canal St. When I left, my day started to change.....

That feeling of serenity kinda went away. I think I'd started worrying about Sarah. I have good days and bad days when it comes to that. This day seemed sort of split in half. I still love her. I wish to God I had a rewind button. This is where I am NOW though. You can only move forward and try your damnedest to make things right. This is the real deal, Cupcake, and there is still a gigantic place in my heart reserved for you if you'll have me.

Work was a bit of a challenge too. A test of patience, if you will. I've never been a fan of the area I worked in tonight. Not even by a longshot. I did well, though. Even found myself bantering with some people.

So. All in all, it was a good productive day. Now I'm just hanging out before bed. Don't usually go to sleep before one or two. Some nights I run into a neighbor in the courtyard and we discuss politics, the city, or even physics. I can enjoy a good, open-minded discussion again. And for all these things, I'm grateful.

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