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Wednesday, October 19, 2011

A Cup Full of Regret

Having a coffee at PJ's then meeting a friend for a bit before work. Spectacular meeting at Mustard Seed. And spectacularly hard. We talked about regret. The older folks lamented that they wish they would have gotten sober when they were younger. Some felt they had wasted a lifetime and others had the realization that it took all the bad in their pasts to get to the good they enjoy now.

When it came my turn, I shared that I counted myself lucky that I stopped at 38. Fairly young by today's standards. I still have quite a few years to make better decisions and build the life that I want. I talked about things lost. Things found. And then things lost again. Mainly jobs and relationships. Not to boast, but I've lost some really good jobs.... That may sound a bit lighthearted, but I can assure you it is very serious. I've had friends and relationships come and go. The ones that stuck around took shit from me over and over again. I'm eternally sorry to all of you and am eternally thankful to the ones who never gave up on me. I got there... eventually. You find out who really means "through thick and thin" when you go through a sickness like mine. I couldn't be more appreciative of where I am right now and to finally have put that malady of the heart, mind and body behind me.

I talked about Sarah and how horrible it was for her to live with my illness. She'd had a lifetime of hurt and sorrow from family and friends. Instead of holding her tight and not letting go when she shared the bad stuff with me, I just added to it. Again, I'm so sorry, Sweety. My bull-headedness may very well have cost me her too. I hope not.

Will write more tonight. Going to try again at The Lost Child Pt. 2. It'll be late posting if I do. About to head down to the Riverwalk and maybe a quick ferry ride before I leave for work.

This band was playing right outside the coffee shop.
I think they were from Tulane.


  1. Jay, I am really enjoying your blog. I am proud that you have found treatment and I pray that you get through this time with love and support. I do not know you very well, but I find your honesty very encouraging and enlightening. Keep up the good work!

  2. Thank you, Wendalynn! I'm glad you enjoy it. Don't know you well either, but you seem like an awesome person. Thanks again for reading. :)