I just got back in from my men's group. It was a birthday speaker meeting. This guy had alot of the same problems that I did finding recovery. He resisted, tried to do it on his own, went to meetings but never got a sponsor, didn't turn it over to God, relapsed... It's not a unique story at all. I've learned that most of the people who found success in the program had a pretty sticky time at first. That doesn't necessarily give one license to run wild with the idea that it's ok to slip and slide before getting a firm grip on sobriety. Other people suffer along the way. Our selfishness told us that we weren't responsible for that pain. I've come to discover that we very much are.Especially when we choose alcohol over the people we love. It may very well be the disease causing that horrible lapse in judgement, but at some point, enough has to be enough.
That makes me wonder how many people question my recovery. It's only natural and very fair that they would. I can tell you that I never planned to be an addict. I didn't wake up one day in grade school and say, "When I grow up, I'm going to lay on the couch drunk everyday and watch The Price is Right." I can also tell you that it would be a pretty grim and somewhat cynical assumption that I would be an active alcoholic for the rest of my life. There's no difference between that and a death sentence. I plan to have a home and a family. It's something that I have always wanted, and now it's more than just possible... It's a certainty as long as I work my program. As long as I am recovering.
The most profound thing I walked away with tonight was something our speaker said his sponsor told him. That when he was faced with a problem or conundrum to ask himself, "What would a mature adult do?" It's such a simple question, but I love it and plan to use it.
The rest of the day was business as usual. Worked most of it. Went to the park before my meeting and saw my ducks... and squirrels...and nutria... The bus driver almost knows me by name now. Really nice guy. We chat and exchange pleasantries almost everyday. He is straight up, old school New Orleanian. I'm almost going to feel guilty when I get my car. I'm sure he'll understand.
Have a wonderful night and God bless!