Get Busy, Get Building

It was one of those meetings where ya learn a little about yourself. First of all, though, I would like to say how blessed I was to be there to see someone pick up a 30 year chip and a young lady returned to the group and got a 24 hour chip. Both are equally important, and I was inspired by the courage it took her to come back and get it. There are those who are too ashamed, even me at one time, to do that. Sadly, most of them stay in that same vicious cycle. Shame and embarrassment can be deadly opponents.

The guy who has 30 years shared at the very end. What he said struck a chord with me. It made me realize that, even though at one time my behavior was crazy, we are not crazy people. I'm a good guy who is capable of marvelous things... as long as I don't drink. When that happens I'm just marvelously good at hurting people. Including myself. I'm finally in a position, after struggling with alcoholism for quite a few years, to build the future and the family that I've always wanted to have. That I reached for drunkenly through the steel bars that I put up. It starts now. It started the moment I put down my last drink and said, "Enough."

Life is good and it's about to get amazing.

Where the Wind Will Take Me

The past few months have been a whirlwind of serenity, enthusiasm, gratitude, sadness, and sometimes despair. So. Today I decided to stop the train and get off for a few minutes.

It's been really nice not having anywhere I have to be. I'll still go to a meeting tonight, but other than that... anything goes.

First I got up, got ready, and went to Subway. Then I hopped the streetcar down to Audubon Park. It was bittersweet without Sarah there, but faith tells me that we will be back feeding the ducks again sometime soon. I haven't been to the park since well before all of this tragedy I caused took place. It was pleasant and quiet though.

After that I trekked over to The Fly. It's the Riverview area behind the zoo. Meditated, read a little Big Book, and helped a wounded lizard find cover. I like that the boy scout in me is coming back.

Now I am at my old haunt on Magazine and Jefferson. It's a PJ's coffeehouse. After this I don't know, and I am comfortable with that. I'll write more after the meeting...

On to Step 5

Our men's group speaker was sensational tonight. I've seen the guy around the group several times, but didn't know he had that story in him. I don't like to give much away about our members. I can tell you that his misadventures were like something straight out of a movie. And the way he got into the program was very touching. He was also the spitting image of my Grandpa Melton.

Afterward my sponsor and I went back to his apartment to go over my 4th Step work. We found a pattern of selfishness and ego there. That's for sure. I'm thankful that, with the help of the program and God, I'm coming out of that shell. We'll be meeting again Saturday before work and then again next week to do my 5th Step.

Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature

of our wrongs.

That's when we sit down in private and I basically tell him my life story. My dad said that may take a while... LOL.

Got a good sponsor, good sobriety, a good support system, and an awesome Higher Power. As long as I stay true to all of that, there's no limit to the awesome things that will be coming my way. :)

Goodnight!

Bedtime and Serenity

Have to go to bed soon so, once again, this wont be a long post.

Had a pretty gloomy day today. Prayed alot through teary eyes. I got through it, though, and tomorrow is another day.

Meeting with my sponsor tomorrow night after the men's group. We're going to go over my 4th step work. It was tough, but I learned alot about myself. This program, when worked correctly, is a true miracle.

Well. I really have to get some sleep tonight. I'm mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausted. Got to be up very early too.

God grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.

Have a blessed night, all.

Male Jay and Today's Meditation

Have to go in to work earlier than usual for a closing shift so I can't write much. I'll be able to write more tonight when I get off. Just wanted to share the Meditation for the Day. We went over it earlier at the Mustard Seed. Had a larger crowd than normal. It was a good meeting though. Lately I've found something kinda funny about the group. There are two Jays there. A lady and myself, so now I am known as "Male Jay". Maybe I should go back to being called "Jimmy".... Just kidding.

Here's today's meditation.

Gratitude to God is the theme of Thanksgiving Day. The pilgrims gathered to give thanks to God for their harvest, which was pitifully small. When we look around at all the things we have today, how can we help being grateful to God? Our families, our homes, our friends, our A.A. fellowship: all these things are free gifts of God to us. "But for the grace of God," we would not have them.

It's a little late for Thanksgiving Day. I know I've said it recently, but if we are truly grateful for what we have, everyday is a thanksgiving. ;)

My Recovery, My Responsibility

I got to thinking today, as I often do out walking around. That's where alot of what I write comes from. Well, today it came to me that my recovery has become so much more than just something that I need to be doing. I thought, "It's kinda become my job." That word has a bit of an arduous ring to it, so I thought about it some more. Responsibility sounded much better. A responsibility that I take with great pleasure. A way of life. I have a responsibility to myself, to those I love, and to my Higher Power to make myself the best person I can possibly be. I have a responsibility to share what I learn with people who want the same way of life. And I have a responsibility to help any person who is less fortunate in any way I can. There you must find a balance. Recovery... Because without it I am no good to anyone. Family... Caring for and protecting the people who mean something in my life. Service... Comes from the heart and the fact that people have been of service to me. These are things that I take very seriously and get great joy from. I really am blessed.

The speaker at our group tonight was great. First of all, it was just really nice hearing a female perspective. I'd say we get guys about three quarters of the time. That's by no means a bad thing, it was just refreshing.

She was an older lady who took us around the world with her story. Some of it was happy and some was heart-wrenching. She had a glow about her, though, that told you she was happy and thankful for each of her 23 years sober. When I shared, I thanked her for such a wonderful account. I told her that her youthful enthusiasm was an enormous re-enforcement of just how well the program works. It almost reminded me of a child telling you about their favorite thing. (Didn't share that part...) I walked away with quite a bit.

The night's winding down, I'm here at the Rue with my coffee, and I think I'm about to go over to Netflix and watch an ep of The Walking Dead. Good show.

Goodnight, all.

Our Favorite Driver and Growin' Up

Another day at work that went by very quickly. We had a truck day today, so I was able to talk with our favorite driver. He is doing very well. He seems much more centered and calm, home life is good, and he is staying spiritually active. He even tried converting me to Catholicism... Really proud of the guy.

As for me, it was a good day. I've been practicing mini-4th Steps. Whenever I come into a "situation", I try to remember to step back, truly evaluate what is going on, and focus on what I might be doing wrong. It's easier than it sounds and is very effective.

I like to think I've grown up alot in the past months. Well. I have grown. Trivial little things that I used as an escape before simply don't interest me anymore. What does interest me is my recovery, building a family and future with the gal I love most, being there for my family and friends, and making some kind of difference in this world. I thank God that I have the tools to do those things now.

Well.... I have a friend who is meeting me here for coffee. Better run.