My Recovery, My Responsibility

I got to thinking today, as I often do out walking around. That's where alot of what I write comes from. Well, today it came to me that my recovery has become so much more than just something that I need to be doing. I thought, "It's kinda become my job." That word has a bit of an arduous ring to it, so I thought about it some more. Responsibility sounded much better. A responsibility that I take with great pleasure. A way of life. I have a responsibility to myself, to those I love, and to my Higher Power to make myself the best person I can possibly be. I have a responsibility to share what I learn with people who want the same way of life. And I have a responsibility to help any person who is less fortunate in any way I can. There you must find a balance. Recovery... Because without it I am no good to anyone. Family... Caring for and protecting the people who mean something in my life. Service... Comes from the heart and the fact that people have been of service to me. These are things that I take very seriously and get great joy from. I really am blessed.

The speaker at our group tonight was great. First of all, it was just really nice hearing a female perspective. I'd say we get guys about three quarters of the time. That's by no means a bad thing, it was just refreshing.

She was an older lady who took us around the world with her story. Some of it was happy and some was heart-wrenching. She had a glow about her, though, that told you she was happy and thankful for each of her 23 years sober. When I shared, I thanked her for such a wonderful account. I told her that her youthful enthusiasm was an enormous re-enforcement of just how well the program works. It almost reminded me of a child telling you about their favorite thing. (Didn't share that part...) I walked away with quite a bit.

The night's winding down, I'm here at the Rue with my coffee, and I think I'm about to go over to Netflix and watch an ep of The Walking Dead. Good show.

Goodnight, all.

Our Favorite Driver and Growin' Up

Another day at work that went by very quickly. We had a truck day today, so I was able to talk with our favorite driver. He is doing very well. He seems much more centered and calm, home life is good, and he is staying spiritually active. He even tried converting me to Catholicism... Really proud of the guy.

As for me, it was a good day. I've been practicing mini-4th Steps. Whenever I come into a "situation", I try to remember to step back, truly evaluate what is going on, and focus on what I might be doing wrong. It's easier than it sounds and is very effective.

I like to think I've grown up alot in the past months. Well. I have grown. Trivial little things that I used as an escape before simply don't interest me anymore. What does interest me is my recovery, building a family and future with the gal I love most, being there for my family and friends, and making some kind of difference in this world. I thank God that I have the tools to do those things now.

Well.... I have a friend who is meeting me here for coffee. Better run.

Mussolini and Moral Inventory

Worked all day, so not a heck of alot to write about. Remember a while back when I said, "If someone has something they feel is important enough to tell you, it's important enough to listen to." Well. There's a guy who comes into where I work, tracks me down, and corners me for 40 minutes to tell me about conspiracies. Now I'm interested in World War II, but I don't want to hear about Hitler's secret technology for an hour. I had to hide out in the warehouse for quite a while tonight when he came in. I felt bad, but I don't want to be rude to him. He's probably just a lonely guy who likes sharing stuff about Benito Mussolini. Not for me, though.

Been doing my 4th Step worksheets. It's mostly about putting a magnifying glass on my fears, resentments, and wrongs. Then I write about what parts of those are more to do with me than what is going on on the outside... and in other areas where I'm actually at fault. I'm still working on the step, but so far it has been very enlightening. I'm starting to see more of the little everyday things that effect my serenity for what they are. That knowledge helps me to deal with those things as they happen in a positive way. It also helps to know that most of those problems and frustrations come from somewhere in me and how I react. I may share some of my stepwork after my sponsor and I go over it. I won't be able to share most of it here, however, because alot of it is very specific.

That's about it for tonight. I had a very blessed and productive day.

Goodnight.

Thanks and Giving

Happy Thanksgiving!

Thanksgiving has become two separate words for me. I said a bit earlier on FB and at my meeting, "Be thankful for what you have and give alot."

My day started out better than I expected. I got up, got ready, and headed down to the mission. I'd been calling for days about volunteering, got no one, so I decided I would just show up. They were closed until the nighttime check-in. Ok. Well. I know where Bridge House is, only too well, so I went there. That's where the action was. They were feeding folks up into the afternoon. I checked in, went around to one of tents, and got to work. Mostly ran food and helped put things up at the end.

I was a little put off last week that I couldn't work Thanksgiving. Since I'd be alone this year, I thought work would keep me occupied. God wanted me somewhere else, however, and I am so blessed that that was where he wanted me. I thanked everyone before I left and started downtown to look for lunch. Decided on an oyster platter at a place I've never been to before. It didn't disappoint. Couldn't eat all of it though.

After that I stopped and checked out the Thanksgiving parade. It was more like a pre-Bayou Classic parade, but I enjoyed it.

Then to my meeting. It was fairly small, being the holiday and all. One of my friends moderated and started the topic "What are you grateful for?" No one saw that coming. I really like something he said while sharing. It's something his sponsor told him. "Two of the most important tools in recovery are gratitude and humility." Someone else mentioned that gratitude requires humility. I've never heard it put like that, but it is so true. Anyone can say thank you. True gratitude is a feeling, and I'm feeling grateful for a heck of alot today.

My thought for the day....

Thanksgiving is something that happens 365 days a year if you have true gratitude and love in your heart.... And folks in need don't stop needing after Dec. 25th. Be thankful and give.

Peace.

It Works if Ya Work It

That's the last thing we say at the end of a meeting (and tonight's was a good one). "Keep coming back. It works if you work it." It's true. With earnestness and honesty you can overcome anything. Even addiction. That brings me to today's meditation from 24 Hours A Day.

"In the world ye shall have tribulation. But be of good cheer. I have overcome the world." Keep an undaunted spirit. Keep your spirit free and unconquered. You can be undefeated and untouched by failure and all its power, by letting your spirit overcome the world; rise above earth's turmoil into the secret chamber of perfect peace and confidence. When a challenge comes to you, remember you have God's help and nothing can wholly defeat you.

There are those who have seen us at our worst who judge us as hopeless. "He'll never change." or "That person is always going to be a drunk." I certainly hope that isn't the case. Well. I know for a fact it isn't true. I can't speak for others, but I know I have too much to give and live for. I've seen too many people pick up 20 year chips in the past 2 months alone to believe that folks can't change. And alot of them had more problems and slips than I did.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that no mountain is too high and no challenge too big if you are honestly willing to tackle it. The program teaches me that if I stick by my Higher Power and stay committed, I don't ever have to go back to that way of living again.

It doesn't just apply to recovery, but for any trial that may pop up in life.

And to my harshest critics...for there are a few... I understand your skepticism. Keep watching, though. I think you'll be very pleasantly surprised. ;)

Blackberries and Dante

Been busy running all over the place looking for a phone replacement. Finally decided that I'll have to order one from the online Sprint store.... So, yes, I'm still on the temporary number.

Something that occurred to me in all this running was how fitting it is that I have to carry this heavy a%$& laptop around. It feels almost like a penance I'm paying for letting it interfere with things that are really important in my life. Dante Alighieri could have written a whole other circle for this... LOL. I'm over-dramatizing of course. There are some things this PC is invaluable for. It did make me think, though.

Aside from that, I just ate a nice, healthy chicken taco salad. Getting ready to head to my meeting. Was going to go to church, but my meeting happens at the same time. Didn't make Mustard Seed today because of errands.... And I still have more errands for this evening.

Anyway. Nothing much else for right now. I did have an opportunity to help someone out today. It wasn't anything big, but it made his day better and I am thankful for that.

Will write more tonight.

Charity and Facebook

Hasn't been too long since I posted last. Just this afternoon actually. Here's the meditation from 24 Hours a Day. Then I'll share about it...

"If I have not charity, I am become as sounding brass or a tinkling cymbal." Charity means to care enough about other people to really want to do something for them. A smile, a word of encouragement, a word of love, goes winged on its way, simple though it may seem, while the mighty words of an orator fall on deaf ears. Use up the odd moments of your day in trying to do some little thing to cheer up another person. Boredom comes from thinking too much about yourself.

We've all heard in the program, "You can't keep it if you don't give it away." That's not a sound enough motive to be charitable of course, but it is very true.

Boredom doesn't grip me like it used to because I keep so busy. I work, do alot of AA related stuff and write. I'm coming to a point, though, where I need to start making time for the everyday things too. I have to be very careful to find a good balance between work, recovery, relationships, and leisure. Some of those can be intermixed of course... And charity. I pray every night to be put in situations where I can help other people. Whether it's on the street or organizing a food drive for Second Harvest. The smallest things can make the biggest difference in someone's life. Sometimes just a simple smile.

Tonight's men's group was good. Found out something sad though. I knew that there was someone missing when I came back. We don't always ask because it is an anonymous program and not everyone wants you to know. He was mentioned tonight so I went ahead and inquired as to where he was. It ends up he passed away a couple of years ago. Now I didn't know him that well, he was just one of those people you like seeing around. I can tell that he is greatly missed.

Ok. Facebook. I've been either forgetting or subconsciously evading the subject. A while back I posted that I would be staying away from it for a while. Well. I did... for a couple of days. I saw that the outpouring of support was still there and I appreciate it more than anyone could know. I said to myself, "You use FB for something better now." It would've felt like I was turning my back on that. So I returned. Still don't do a heck of a lot on there, but I do love seeing all the wonderful things folks have to say. And I learn from those things too.