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Saturday, April 14, 2012

Restless and Compulsive

What do men really want? What are we seeking? Many of us have felt driven and still feel restless or compulsive at times. We frantically followed our impulses to self-destructive extremes. Even those painful actions of our past were motivated, at the bottom line, by a spiritual search. What did we really seek in the bottle, or in the passionate bed, or in our work? Slowing down enough every day to let ourselves know what we are looking for gives us a much better chance of finding it.

I did something a bit different tonight and shared from Touchstones... That's the daily meditation for men. I just really liked the message and identified with it.

I've had a lot of people ask me over the years what I was looking for. Thing is, I'm not even sure I knew the answer to that. I couldn't slow down enough from partying, drinking, or seeking any other form of impulsive instant gratification to focus on anything important. Too interested in having fun and protecting my own ego to really grow.

The steps taught me to slow down. That anything worth having requires patience, focus, and determination. They also teach me that even the smallest thing that I build or begin in recovery will come crashing down the moment I decide to go back to my old habits.

I find diligence through God, meetings, and good, old-fashioned self-awareness.

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