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Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Out of Touch

It's been a bit of an odd day. Found out about some of my high school classmates who have passed over the years. It was a little shocking and sad to hear. Being away from where I raised for so long has kept me seriously out of touch. Until Myspace and Facebook came along, I hadn't talked to alot of friends and family for over a decade. So there is something to be said for social networking.

When I jetted out of Alabama, I never looked back. Traveled around the world, lived around the continent, and drank alot. Some people envy that lifestyle, but I learned the hard way that it usually just leads to loneliness. I never built any real relationships, and neglected the ones I already had. Heck. Sometimes a year or so would go by before I saw any of my family. That was my own choice, though. Pretty selfish... trading substance for a seat-of-your-pants, adventurous ideal. Do I regret it? Not necessarily. The things I saw and did were fantastic to say the least. Could I have gone about it in a better way? Most definitely.

My grandfather from my Dad's previous marriage passed away not too long ago. I hadn't talked to him in many years either. I suppose I figured (in my own sick way) that after the divorce I wasn't really part of the family anymore. My brother convinced me to visit them after the funeral. When I was told that he'd asked about me often, and they still kept pictures of me in the house, I was overcome with guilt and shame. A nasty concoction of pride and fear kept me away from folks who still loved me.

Talked to someone earlier today, a cousin from the same family, who told me of another passing. I didn't know her well, but was still sad to hear about her going. When the cousin sent me a message to call him, I felt that same anxiety come up. "I haven't talked to him in years." "What do I say?" For once I put all of that aside and called. I'm glad I did. Even though the circumstances were bad, it was good talking to him.

You probably gather by now that I've had alot on my mind. I think I've learned a little more about myself. With that said, it's getting late, and I have to be up very early. Until tomorrow, dear reader, goodnight and God bless.

1 comment:

  1. Facebook truly is an excellent way to keep in touch with friend and to find old lost ones. I was even contacted by a penpal that I had when I was a child. She lives in Argentina and we lost touch when we were 15 years old. About 20 years later she found me in Facebook and now we have a daily contact - it really is wonderful.

    I'm glad to hear that you found the courage to phone your cousin, and that you're glad that you did so.