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Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Assets and Liabilities

I talked to my sponsor and we're supposed to meet up Sunday. We're going to talk about moving on to step 10. He finally agreed that I should hold off on certain amends until a more appropriate time. I approached him and told him that some of the people in my life just aren't ready to hear from me.

Had a pretty good day. Time went fairly quickly at work. I read the Thought for the Day first thing when I got back....

When we think about having a drink, we're thinking of the kick we get out of drinking, the pleasure, the escape from boredom, the feeling of self-importance, and the companionship of other drinkers. What we don't think of is the letdown, the hang over, the remorse, the waste of money, and the facing of another day. In other words, when we think about that first drink, we're thinking of all the assets of drinking and none of the liabilities. What has drinking really got that we haven't got in A.A.? Do I believe that the liabilities of drinking outweigh the assets?

I can assure you, dear reader, that there are far more liabilities than there are "assets" when you go back out. That knowledge is but one of the many things that keeps me sober and recovering. I'd much rather be in a room in fellowship with my fellow AA members than sitting in some dark corner by myself, wasting my life, and destroying the ones I love. I'm really grateful for the message today, because I am one of those people who used to ignore the consequences for my own selfish pursuits. That doesn't just include alcohol. I was a very impulsive person.

Well. I have a very early day tomorrow, so I'm going to wind down early.

Goodnight. :)

No more dark rooms for me...


  1. I'm glad to hear that your sponsor had the sense to understand that you  cannot ignore other peoples feeling in order for you to make amends - at any cost...

    The thought of the day had me thinking that drinking alcohol was a something I always could rely on. I knew what alcohol could give me, a trustworthy old friend. I knew it would be me myself and I in a life free from friction, dwelling in the dark room. Not expecting any unpleasant surprises, just me and my love for the alcohol. It gave me a sense of control... I was the queen of my very own dark room.

    Oh, and how I loved it and how it at the same time was killing me. The alcoholic so content and happy in its blessed ignorance - whilst the core of what me was in despair, only wished to die.

    Dealing with life sober is undescribebly different from the days that was with drinking. Life is so rich, so beyond my control. It's scarey but oh so rewarding. I very much love this magnificent and eternal that is life and gladly turn my back to that horrible dark room.

    Good night and sweet dreams!

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