Helplessness and Surrender

Getting pretty late, so this wont be a long one.

Work went really well. Just slooooow. I'll take slow over super busy any day, though. ;)

I really really like the thought for today...

Over a period of drinking years, we've proved to ourselves and to everybody else that we can't stop drinking by our own will power. We have been proved helpless before the power of alcohol. So the only way we could stop drinking was by turning to a Power greater than ourselves. We call that Power God. The time that you really get this program is when you get down on your knees and surrender yourself to God, as you understand Him. Surrender means putting your life into God's hands. Have I made a promise to God that I will try to live the way He wants me to live?

I talked about this a bit in my share at the Round Table meeting. About how I failed and failed until I opened up, surrendered, and admitted that I couldn't do it without God. He has given me the guidance and strength to truly recover, and for that, I am grateful.

Alright... I'm going to get ready for bed. Gotta close again tomorrow. Big fun. Have a great night, folks, and God bless!

Impulse and Actuality

"Your feelings aren't always an indicator of how you are doing."

I heard that tonight and really liked it. Sometimes things aren't nearly as bad as I think they are, but in the past, my reactions to my feelings led me down a very detrimental path. I was talking to one of my fellow Round Table members about the steps. How I think that when the correct one is applied to a certain situation I might impulsively act on, when actually worked, it gives me a broader view of things. It slows me down, but in a good way.

Got there early and helped set up. Enjoyed some good conversation. Had a great topic. Our speaker started the discussion on staying plugged in. It was awesome listening to all the old-timers tell their stories. How they went from seeing their relatives hide the valuables when they came to visit to having families of their own. Talking proudly of their grand-kids. What a wonderful incentive to live a better life. Make myself better for me so I can create some love and joy in this world.

Well. I had a very physical day at work, so I'm going to go ahead and put my feet up. Mardi Gras parades start tomorrow uptown. Commuting is about to become very interesting.

Have a great night and God bless!

My Favorite Step(s)

Sitting at CC's Coffee (temporary phone in pocket). The Round Table was wonderful. Just what I needed tonight. Got to hang with some of my fellow members beforehand. They were glad to see me and I was them. We had several people pick up 20+ year chips. Shows the program works if ya work it.

The moderator was an older lady who has been sober since 1986. It was an enlightening experience listening to what she had to say. She then opened the topic and started calling on people... me included. Was hoping she would. She asked what our favorite step was. When it came to me, I shared that I am still doing stepwork, but so far the first was a favorite.

We admitted that we were powerless over alcohol and that

our lives had become unmanageable.

One reason I like this step is that you can't work an effective program until you do that. I'd known that I was powerless over it intellectually, but it wasn't until I worked the step that I really understood and comprehended the grip it had me in. That was crucial before I could go any further. Step 3 jumped out at me too.

Made a decision to turn our will and our lives

over to the care of God as we understood him.

That's a scary step for some. The notion scared the hell out of me at one time. Ego and skepticism told me that I could do it on my own. And that's why I always failed. Since my spiritual awakening, though, I can feel him working in my life. Doubt... shame... arrogance... self-centeredness aren't things that plague me everyday anymore. They still try to pop up from time to time, but now I know better how to deal with them. It's freed me to work an effective recovery and be the person I need to be for the ones I love and the one I love.

I also shared that it seems like picking a favorite step is like picking a favorite child. They're all equally important.

I think, for me, my favorite step will always be the one I need most at that moment.