4 Month Chips and Calls from the Truck Driver

I was so stoked about picking up my 4 month chip at the homegroup tonight! When she got to "3" I was about to jump up, but she then went on to "6".... We don't have a 4 month chip. No biggie, though. I'll just grab one at my next meeting. As I said in my share, it's the actual time that matters.

Not alot to write about from the rest of the day. I will say that it feels good when you check the last thing off your daily errand list. Now I gotta write one for tomorrow.

I got a call from our truck driver while I was at my group. In the voicemail, he said that they had switched routes on him. It's something they do from time to time. Hadn't seen him since Christmas, so I was starting to worry. When I tried calling back, I didn't get an answer. I'll have to try again in the morning... or if something is up hopefully he'll try again.

Well. Before I start winding down (I got up very early today), I thought I'd share the meditation from 24 Hours...

I believe that God had already seen my heart's needs before I cried to Him, before I was conscious of those needs myself. I believe that God was already preparing the answer. God does not have to be petitioned with sighs and tears and much speaking before He reluctantly loses the desired help. He has already anticipated my every want and need. I will try to see this as His plans unfold in my life.

Remember when I said that someone very important to me shared that "God meets us where we are."? It's true. I can tell you that God was reaching out to me way before I finally reached out to him.

Goodnight, world. :)

Truck Driver Love

Our truck driver came today. We talked for a bit after all was done. He seems to be doing really well. We spoke a bit about what was going on with him and his wife. That's what's bothering him most I think, and I can completely relate.

*Sidenote... I'm sitting by the window at the Rue drinking coffee. It's awesome. Kids keep stopping and looking at the old Spider-Man stickers on my laptop.*

Back to the driver. Again, I told him that he was damn lucky that she is still by his side. Things are going to work out for them if he continues to do what he needs to do. He then told me about a friend of his who had finally straightened himself out, was doing very well, but it was still too late to salvage his marriage. I had to reassure him, again, that his wife must really love him, because she hasn't gone anywhere. I'm going to be completely honest. I envy the hell out of that. Not a healthy emotion, but at least I recognize it... LOL.

I reminded him, as I often do, that each time he screws up, it's going to get harder and harder to mend his relationship. I know this only too well, and I can assure anyone who takes their loved ones for granted, being apart from them.... being in limbo... is the worst feeling in the world. Believe me. That's no exaggeration. It's hell.

I try not to preach. I'm in no position to do that. But if this gets through to just one suffering person out there, the world will be a little bit of a better place.

To brighten things up a bit, here's today's thought from The Language of Letting Go...

Empowerment

You can think. You can make good decisions. You can make choices that are right for you.

Yes, we all make mistakes from time to time. But we are not mistakes.

We can make a new decision that takes new information into account.

We can change our mind from time to time. That's our right too.

We don't have to be intellectuals to make good choices. In recovery, we have a gift and a goal available to each of us. The gift is called wisdom.

Other people can think too. And that means we no longer have to feel responsible for other people's decisions.

That also means we are responsible for our choices.

We can reach out to others for feedback. We can ask for information. We can take opinions into account. But it is our task to make our own decisions. It is our pleasure and right to have our own opinions.

We are each free to embrace and enjoy the treasure of our own mind, intellect, and wisdom.

Today, I will treasure the gift of my mind. I will do my own thinking, make my own choices, and value my opinions. I will be open to what others think, but I will take responsibility for myself. I will ask for and trust that the Divine Wisdom is guiding me.

Truck Day and a New Chip

Our truck driver was back today. He was all over the place, and from his behavior, I'd sworn he must've been off his meds. He came up and talked to me a bit after we were all done.

He assured me that he was still taking them. That's something I can only take his word on. I asked about his family and they are doing ok. He's performing his role of father and husband much better. They've been doing alot of family activities. He's still sleeping in a different room, though. He seemed a bit exasperated by that. I told him not to waver. It sounded like he was making real progress and his wife obviously hasn't given up on him. As long as he was doing what he needed to be doing to get better, things would fall into place. That together he and she could save that marriage. They have the advantage of an open line of communication. That, a little willingness, openness, and honesty goes a long way. Whether he sticks to his guns, saves himself and everything he says he holds dear is up to him. I hope it all works out. It would do my heart some good too.

He shared that he is also a little worried about the holidays. He's welcome at his in-laws, but they aren't quite over things yet. I told him that the worst thing he could do is not visit. He still has to make amends to them too. The best way he can win them back is by getting better and showing them how much he loves their daughter and their grand-kids. When they see first hand that he is recovering, and his family is his top priority, they'll eventually come around. It's all about actions. Show me, don't tell me....

Once again... Whether this guy follows through, or not... I don't know. I do know that he is in a much better situation than I am with his partner. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a bit envious. I'd be lying, too, if I said I wouldn't be a bit disappointed if he threw it all away again and went back out. I have my own recovery, though, and I have to remember that.

It's something that I have immersed myself in. It's become a way of life for me. The things that I do in my program are now things that have just become a part of everyday living. I can't describe the good it is doing. Thank God.

Today is two months for me and I still have no desire to drink. I thank God for that too. I had to work all day and couldn't pick up my chip. I can't remember if my group on Saturday gives out chips or not. I know the Sunday group does... Very enthusiastic about that.

Oh. Want to hear a story about divine intervention? We all know my phone was stolen yesterday. I lost my sponsor's number as a result. After leaving an email for him on his work website and hearing no response, I said to myself, "Maybe I'll see someone from the group who knows him today." Who shows up where I work tonight but my grand-sponsor. Never seen him in there before. Got his number too. I call my sponsor everyday and was worried I'd miss one.

Well. That's it for now. I had some low spots today, but they passed. I hurt alot and miss someone every second of everyday. But I'm being patient, hopeful and am concentrating on recovery. The people in your life may say, "I've heard it all before." When they actually see it happening, however, it becomes something that they can't deny. I'm making it happen.

As long as I'm doing that, life is good.

The Truck Driver and Moving to Step 3

Well. What an eventful day. There was a lot of good and a little bad.

I met my sponsor first thing this morning and he asked me some questions about my Higher Power. I told him how I was feeling a subtle presence in my life lately that was working through me. Perhaps guiding me. I told him that I was praying again.... which I have been for a little while. I truly believe that a power greater than myself is helping me and will help me through my recovery. Not just that, but life in general. I see how vital that is and how blind I was to it before. He looked at me and simply said, "We're done with step two." I thought that was pretty quick, but he explained that the first few steps are prep work mainly. That the real work starts later. He said that it's important not to linger on any of the steps. That's a trap some people fall into.... You need to go ahead, get it out in the open, and then move on to the next. It seems to have worked well with him. My work for Step 3 will be to read and write about openness, honesty, and willingness. I'll share here when done.

Step 3

"Made a decision to turn our will and our lives

over to the care of God as we understood him."

Our truck driver came around today. The one I've been writing about. He was a totally different person. I talked to him before he left. He'd shown me a picture of his family and I asked about them. Then I asked if he was taking the medication prescribed to him. He said yes and I told him I could tell. He wasn't all over the place and acting crazy. He told me he hasn't gone back out and that he has been better working his role as father and husband in the house. He even said his wife was feeling better about things. He programmed my number into his phone so he could call me if he ever needs to. I don't think he'll lose it this time. I told him I was proud of him and to keep praying. I wish nothing but the best for the guy. Hope he sticks to it and works hard.

Now... I wont say exactly when my day took a downturn. Or what it was over. It just did. As I've said before, I have my ups and downs. I'm in a bit of a down right now. There's nothing on this planet that would ever again make me seek the warm embrace of oblivion that alcohol provides. Never and by the grace of God. All I can do is work my recovery and feel the pain as it comes. Some are asking if there is anything in particular I'm putting before that recovery. My simple answer is no. It's my recovery that is making a hard time bearable. That and faith that we will be together again so I can share this new life with her.

The Truck Driver Returns

First of all... A couple of things I've accomplished today. Talked to the boss about moving up in the company. He wants to meet next week so we can map out a game plan. I'm still seeking a second job and still am researching continuing my education, but while I'm there, I should be striving to make a better leader of myself. A pay raise isn't such a bad thing either. I have some hospitals I need to re-apply to later. Looked up my medical benefits enrollment dates and will be applying for that tonight as well. Let's see... got my credit report a couple of nights ago, researched improving my credit...

Keeping busy with things I need to be on top of anyway. Called my sponsor too. We're meeting tomorrow after work at the Rue. Gonna start my stepwork.

Our Friday truck driver came around today. We talked a bit. He seems to be out of control. He went back out last week and ended up with some girls. He said he'd tried to call me about the meeting, but dialed the wrong number. He thought I was upset about all of it. I simply told him that I was not, that it's his life, I have my own recovery to work but am willing to help in any way I can. I told him that he could call me anytime day or night, but he really needed someone with a story similar to his who is actively recovering. He has so many things going on that I have no experience in and I still don't have enough sobriety to go out and give a bunch of advice. I did try to get the fact across to him that the day would come when he would lose his wife and kids. If he didn't get help, he'd go back out one time too many and that would be it. I don't think he believes me.

Like I said, though. I have my own recovery to work... and I'm working it hard. Laid down a very firm foundation. I have noticed substantial changes in my life that wouldn't have happened otherwise. I'm enjoying it and the infinite possibilities it brings.

May post again later....