Letting People Be There for Us

From The Language of Letting Go. I REALLY liked this and wanted to share it. I'm going to post a Hazelden link at the side of the page. I love their site and what they do.

"Sometimes, we need nurturing. Sometimes, we need people to support us.

Many of us have been deprived of support and nurturing for so long we may not realize it's something we want and need. Many of us have learned to block our stop ourselves from getting what we want and need.

We may not reach out to have our needs met. We may be in relationships with people who cannot or will not be available to meet our needs. Or we may be in relationships with people who would be happy to respond to a direct request from us.

We may have to give up something to do this. We may have to let go of our martyr or victim role. If we ask for what we want and need, and get those needs met, we will not be able to punish people, or push them away later on, for disappointing us.

We may have to let go of our fears enough to experience the intimacy that will occur when we allow someone to love and support us. We may even have to learn, one day at a time, how to be happy and content.

Learn to let others be there for us.

Today, I will be open to identifying what I need from people, and I will ask for what I want directly. I will let others be there for me."

Goodnight, all!

Church, Meetings, and Fellowship

Homegroup tonight! Woot! Business meeting before. That'll be an hour of people talking over one another, but I love it. I'd never treated AA as a real fellowship back when I wasn't working a real, proper recovery. Now I have folks who actually seek me out to say "Hello". It's a good feeling to be an active member of that community. They really are some of the best people in the world.

Back in the day, when I was ruled by self-will and arrogance, I'd get to a meeting a few minutes late, watch the clock, maybe share some BS story, and leave a few minutes early. Now I like to get there early and help set up. I enjoy listening to what is said, sharing something meaningful, and staying and chatting a few minutes afterward. It's such an integral part of my recovery. I can be totally down in the dumps on the way to a group, then leave feeling so much better. I thank God for that.

Church is great too. Most of the churches I've been to have had such a positive energy. Church of the Nations, my parents church, my brother's, or Trinity Episcopal. These days I get an automatic sense of serenity before I'm even within 20 feet of the door. That's my Higher Power at work as well. Since I, and I'm quoting here, "Let go and let God", spirituality and church have taken on an all new meaning.

When I was shackled by the disease of alcoholism... or when I was sober but not recovering... pride, arrogance, self-will, egotism, hell even fear kept me from opening up to God, the program, and, certainly not least, growing and connecting with the ones I love. Now I can do those things and the world is a brighter place for it.

Get Busy, Get Building

It was one of those meetings where ya learn a little about yourself. First of all, though, I would like to say how blessed I was to be there to see someone pick up a 30 year chip and a young lady returned to the group and got a 24 hour chip. Both are equally important, and I was inspired by the courage it took her to come back and get it. There are those who are too ashamed, even me at one time, to do that. Sadly, most of them stay in that same vicious cycle. Shame and embarrassment can be deadly opponents.

The guy who has 30 years shared at the very end. What he said struck a chord with me. It made me realize that, even though at one time my behavior was crazy, we are not crazy people. I'm a good guy who is capable of marvelous things... as long as I don't drink. When that happens I'm just marvelously good at hurting people. Including myself. I'm finally in a position, after struggling with alcoholism for quite a few years, to build the future and the family that I've always wanted to have. That I reached for drunkenly through the steel bars that I put up. It starts now. It started the moment I put down my last drink and said, "Enough."

Life is good and it's about to get amazing.

Where the Wind Will Take Me

The past few months have been a whirlwind of serenity, enthusiasm, gratitude, sadness, and sometimes despair. So. Today I decided to stop the train and get off for a few minutes.

It's been really nice not having anywhere I have to be. I'll still go to a meeting tonight, but other than that... anything goes.

First I got up, got ready, and went to Subway. Then I hopped the streetcar down to Audubon Park. It was bittersweet without Sarah there, but faith tells me that we will be back feeding the ducks again sometime soon. I haven't been to the park since well before all of this tragedy I caused took place. It was pleasant and quiet though.

After that I trekked over to The Fly. It's the Riverview area behind the zoo. Meditated, read a little Big Book, and helped a wounded lizard find cover. I like that the boy scout in me is coming back.

Now I am at my old haunt on Magazine and Jefferson. It's a PJ's coffeehouse. After this I don't know, and I am comfortable with that. I'll write more after the meeting...

On to Step 5

Our men's group speaker was sensational tonight. I've seen the guy around the group several times, but didn't know he had that story in him. I don't like to give much away about our members. I can tell you that his misadventures were like something straight out of a movie. And the way he got into the program was very touching. He was also the spitting image of my Grandpa Melton.

Afterward my sponsor and I went back to his apartment to go over my 4th Step work. We found a pattern of selfishness and ego there. That's for sure. I'm thankful that, with the help of the program and God, I'm coming out of that shell. We'll be meeting again Saturday before work and then again next week to do my 5th Step.

Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature

of our wrongs.

That's when we sit down in private and I basically tell him my life story. My dad said that may take a while... LOL.

Got a good sponsor, good sobriety, a good support system, and an awesome Higher Power. As long as I stay true to all of that, there's no limit to the awesome things that will be coming my way. :)

Goodnight!

Bedtime and Serenity

Have to go to bed soon so, once again, this wont be a long post.

Had a pretty gloomy day today. Prayed alot through teary eyes. I got through it, though, and tomorrow is another day.

Meeting with my sponsor tomorrow night after the men's group. We're going to go over my 4th step work. It was tough, but I learned alot about myself. This program, when worked correctly, is a true miracle.

Well. I really have to get some sleep tonight. I'm mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausted. Got to be up very early too.

God grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.

Have a blessed night, all.

Male Jay and Today's Meditation

Have to go in to work earlier than usual for a closing shift so I can't write much. I'll be able to write more tonight when I get off. Just wanted to share the Meditation for the Day. We went over it earlier at the Mustard Seed. Had a larger crowd than normal. It was a good meeting though. Lately I've found something kinda funny about the group. There are two Jays there. A lady and myself, so now I am known as "Male Jay". Maybe I should go back to being called "Jimmy".... Just kidding.

Here's today's meditation.

Gratitude to God is the theme of Thanksgiving Day. The pilgrims gathered to give thanks to God for their harvest, which was pitifully small. When we look around at all the things we have today, how can we help being grateful to God? Our families, our homes, our friends, our A.A. fellowship: all these things are free gifts of God to us. "But for the grace of God," we would not have them.

It's a little late for Thanksgiving Day. I know I've said it recently, but if we are truly grateful for what we have, everyday is a thanksgiving. ;)