Don't Sweat the Small Stuff... Because There Will Always Be Small Stuff

My own variation on a popular book title. Here's todays meditation from the Narcotics Anonymous book Just For Today.

Small Things

"In the past, we made simple situations into problems; we made mountains out of molehills."

Basic Text, p. 87

Making mountains out of molehills seems to be our specialty. Have you heard it said that to an addict, a flat tire is a traumatic event? Or how about those of us who forget all pretense of principle when confronted with a bad driver? And what about that can opener that won't work—you know, the one you just threw out the second story window? We can relate when we hear others share, "God, grant me patience right now!"

No, it's not the major setbacks that drive us to distraction. The big things—divorce, death, serious illness, the loss of a job—will throw us, but we survive them. We've learned from experience that we must reach out to our Higher Power and others to make it through life's major crises. It's the small things, the constant day-to-day challenges of living life without the use of drugs, that seem to affect most addicts most strongly in recovery.

When the little things get to us, the Serenity Prayer can help us regain our perspective. We can all remember that "turning over" these small matters to the care of our Higher Power results in peace of mind and a refreshed perspective on life.

Just for today: I will work on patience. I will try to keep from blowing things out of proportion, and walk with my Higher Power through my day.

Today was a day of small stuff. My shoes were soggy all day from going to work in the rain. Time seemed to poke along. Boxes were falling apart in the stock room. Had to move some 300 lb. fixtures...

Like I said last night, though. Exhausted but fulfilled. Just got back from my sponsor's step study. It was kind of unexpected, but I went when he called me. Going to bed now. Goodnight, dear reader. :)

A Day of Reunions

Awesome day. I went to visit my good friend JW. I met him back in September when I first got up here. He and his wife are two of the greatest people in the world. He's closely involved with a lot of the recovery programs in north Georgia. Teresa introduced me to him when we were looking at different program options.

The man was instrumental in getting me started on the road to recovery. He told me that he's been praying for me since I last saw him. He also said that he could see that God had plans for me in helping others. It really means alot to hear that, and I'm very grateful to have him in my life. Hopefully I'll see them again before I leave Friday.

After the visit we went to an NA meeting that I've been to a couple of times. Some AA's aren't super-crazy about NA meetings, but I enjoy them. Got to see some folks I haven't seen in a while and met a few new ones. The topic was good. Fellowship. One person shared that by not using, they were able to be part of the fellowship of recovery. I think of it more like being part of that fellowship helps keep me from drinking. We all went out for Chinese food afterward. Had to leave dinner a bit early, though, so we could catch Dad while he was still up.

He and Teresa are winding down on the couch now, and I'm about to eat some General Tso's chicken.

I feel really blessed to have such a wonderful support system and so many friends who are there for my recovery. New and old.

Until tomorrow... Goodnight, world.

Is Today Over Yet?

Today wasn't the best. I''ll be honest. My soul is in agony right now. I'll leave it at that... for now. Just too hard to talk about it. But I wont drink over it. I'll just pray.

Had a good meeting, though. There was only 5 of us, so we sat around and chatted about the 3rd Step. That was the study chapter for tonight.

After the meeting, someone I spoke with on the phone shared a really good passage with me that I would like to post from the NA book "One Day at a Time"...

Many of us attended our first meeting and, not being entirely sure that NA was for us, found much to criticize. Either we felt as though no one had suffered like we had or that we hadn't suffered enough. But as we listened we started to hear something new, a wordless language with its roots in recognition, belief, and faith: the language of empathy. Desiring to belong, we kept listening.

We find all the identification we need as we learn to understand and speak the language of empathy. To understand this special language, we listen with our hearts. The language of empathy uses few words; it feels more than it speaks. It doesn't preach or lecture - it listens. It can reach out and touch the spirit of another addict without a single spoken word.

Fluency in the language of empathy comes to us through practice. The more we use it with other addicts and our Higher Power, the more we understand this language. It keeps us coming back.

Just for today: I will listen with my heart. With each passing day, I will become more fluent in the language of empathy.

There was a time in my life where, if I was even listening at all, I was only listening with one ear. I was far too wrapped up in my own thoughts and obsessions to hear what someone was saying to me, much less empathize. It made me uncomfortable to hear about people's feelings. I'd get antsy when someone was talking for too long... unless it was about something I was interested in. Ya see? Selfishness destroys empathy. To build solid relationships, though, we must learn to listen with an empathetic ear. Not just to what is being said, but also what is not being said.

Things are starting to look pretty bleak for my relationship. I just want to grab her, and hold her, and listen to everything she has to say. It's beginning to look kinda obvious that she isn't willing to accept that I'm in recovery. Or is afraid of it for some reason. Or just has no faith in us anymore... I don't know. I do know she has every reason not to trust me. That's why I've been trying to show her through action. Anyway. That's why my heart is so heavy right now and I don't want to get into writing all about that... except maybe privately. And no comments about it for now, either, please. There is still some hope, and as long as I feel hope, I'll wait. Faithfully. I'm just gonna plow ahead and concentrate on my program for now. No force in the world will sway me from that.

And to anyone who has a loved one out there who is feeling alone... Take them, hold them, and truly feel what they have to say. It makes all the difference in the world.