My Bio-Mom is a Time Lord

Debra Vann Melton Venable Skarret Frizzell Thornton Estes Strickland. Not sure about that last one. She's had a lot of faces and obviously... last names. I ended up a bit like Debra. Not quite as bad, but bad enough. One way I differ from her (and maybe learned something from my observations) is that I don't give up on relationships very easily. I'm loyal to a fault. I can definitely do some dick-headed things, but I am proud to say that I have never cheated on anyone. Been cheated on plenty. However. I have to give Cupcake some kudos. As far as I know, she never ran around on me.

How are my bio-mom and I the same? We are famous for doing whatever the hell we want regardless of the repercussions  We share at least two addictions. Smoking and booze. I never really got into drugs (Thank Mike... Mike is Tiff's word for God. Sheila is another name for the holy one. She's becoming more and more convinced that God is a woman. Tiff is a friend of mine BTW.)

My anxiety factor goes through the roof when I talk about the multi-named one. I will stop here for now. I hope you all have a great day and life throws you nothing but awesomeness.

Hello world!

I'm back, and I'm bad! Obviously, within certain
sensible pre-set parameters... -Kryten (Red Dwarf)

I've been incredibly selfish by letting this blog go. A lot of it was my fault. Believe it or not, though, with a bit of influence from a couple of other people. I've strayed quite a bit... perhaps I should capitalize one of those words... QUITE a bit.

Not going to self-deprecate as much as I used to. That will be one change. That kind of behavior can hinder one's progress. I'm not going to post everyday, and the posts won't always be about addiction.

I want my blog to be about life, honesty, and love.

That said I have a few things to clear up. I went out of control for over a year. I used death, relationships (one in particular), and loss of hope as an excuse to go ape-shit bonkers. More things I want to clear up regarding my recovery...

My Higher Power- It's going to be science. I thrive on facts, and the facts are horrifying. That's enough alone to make a reasonable person want to genuinely put down the bottle and straighten up.

Faith- Doing what you know is right and expecting positive rewards. This is true. Every person I know who leads a good, selfless life thrives and is generally happy.

AA- Awesome resource for support and development.

Lament of Prior Relationships- New Orleans has been a bitter-sweet home for me. It's my favorite city, but makes me incredibly sad. It seemed like everywhere I went reminded me of a shared experience that eventually turned into bad memories. Things that I love and shared with various women are mine again. I reclaim Doctor Who, The Cure, Riverview Park, and Sriracha sauce (among other stuff).

Sure. I'm mad. I am, however, trying to channel my emotions toward more positive things.

And with that, I say, "Good day". :) I hope I don't disappoint again.

My Lament

People seem very drawn to me. The only reason I have for this is that I'm much more honest with strangers than the folks I love. Go figure...

I'm Back!... I Hope.

Certain life events distracted me from writing for a very long time. Well, I allowed myself to get distracted.

Going to try to get back into the habit of  posting regularly. Here's the daily thought from Today's Gift...

Sometimes we trade possessions with our friends. Maybe we want to add to our collection, or perhaps we just do it to get someone to like us. But if we try to buy friendship, we'll be sad later when we realize we've lost a prized possession and not gained a friend.

Our friendships come when we least expect them, often with people who have something in common with us. They will not be friendships we have to buy, but relationships to treasure and have for years. These friendships will teach us to respect ourselves and our friends.

Am I making good friends, or bad trades?

Sticks and Bricks

We had a really good speaker at homegroup tonight. Something he said jumped out at me. He talked about what our recovery is built on. The house that stands for a hundred years is built on a strong foundation.

I immediately thought of a children's story that I'm sure we're all familiar with... My recovery is only as strong as what I put into it. If I build straw or stick houses, the wolf (my own pride and complacency) is going to keep coming back to blow them down. Hard work, diligence, and faith are the things bricks are made of.

Our Higher Power, however, is the strongest part of that foundation. My previous meeting today was another speaker meeting. She brought up the meditation from 24 Hours A Day. I think it relates pretty well to that aspect of what we all discussed tonight...

"Hallowed be Thy Name." What does that mean to us? Here "name" is used in the sense of "spirit." The words mean praise to God for His spirit in the world, making us better. We should be especially grateful for God's spirit, which gives us the strength to overcome all that is base in our lives. His spirit is powerful. It can help us to live a conquering, abundant life. So we praise and thank Him for His spirit in our lives and in the lives of others.

Well. It's getting late and I'm pretty pooped. Today was a great day in recovery. Good night, all, and God Bless.

Life's Happenin'

I'm finding that as time goes on and life gets happenin', it's easier and easier to fall out of the habit of posting. Life's been good, though. Work is going well, been keeping up with my folks pretty regularly, and Cupcake and I are getting on better than we ever have. She and I are actually spending more quality, enjoyable time together. Whether it be at home watching a movie, hiking through a swamp, or having a spectacular dinner at historic Pascal's Manale. We even talk more. ...And she made me cheesy mashed potatoes tonight.

Haven't heard from my old sponsor in forever. Not making assumptions, but I know the fact is that I'll need to get another ASAP. Been courting someone I've known for a while to fill that role. We just need to find a good time to meet that matches our schedules.

So there ya have it... Still alive and still truckin'. And about to stretch out in bed. I'll leave ya with the passage from Today's Gift. Goodnight and God bless!

A crow dying of thirst came upon a pitcher that had once been full of water. He shoved his beak into the pitcher and discovered that there was very little water left. But he was determined to get it.

Time and again he thrust his beak into the pitcher, but could not reach the water. He was about to drop dead from both thirst and despair when he spotted a pile of pebbles nearby.

The crow picked up one in his beak, and dropped it into the pitcher. He took another and did the same. Each time he dropped a pebble into the pitcher, he noticed that the water level rose slightly. Energized by this discovery, he continued his efforts until the water level rose to where he could reach it.

Then the crow drank the water, which saved his life.

The moral of the story: Small actions can have big results.

Recovery is a process that involves taking small steps, but sometimes progress is hard to see. At such time, take heart. Resist the temptation to give up. Instead, trust that your steady and dedicated effort is taking you ever closer to your goal.

The Rich Man and Lazarus- Cornerstone Service from 07-08-12

The Prodigal Son (Cornerstone Church Service from 7-1-12)

Here it is! The Cornerstone sermon from Sunday. Sorry I was a bit late posting....

Was at my homegroup tonight. It was a great meeting. Had a really good speaker. It was hard for me to pay attention, however, due to the over-powering smell of alcohol coming from my neighbor's breath. I don't mean the smell of alcohol that was consumed during the day today, I mean the smell of alcohol that has been consumed for the past few days straight. I finally had to get up and walk outside because I was starting to gag.

I'm not trying to imply that the guy shouldn't have been there. Actually, I can't think of a better place for him to have been. He's a regular too. Every Thursday night. Really nice guy, but not quite right in the head. I don't judge him and I didn't say anything to my fellow members. I'm sure that after all this time they know.

I wish him well, and I hope I see him again next Thursday (just not going to sit by him).

Afterwards I found out that we aren't hosting meetings at the men's shelter anymore. Very sad to hear it, but none of the guys staying there attended.

All-in-all it was a good day though. Of course, as they say, anyday above ground is a good day. ;)

Good night and God Bless!

11 Things You Should Start Doing For Yourself Today (Reposted)

Reposted from my good friend Riversurfer... She found this at "R" Hub Blog .... Thanks RS! It's a spectacular post so I thought I'd share. Enjoy!

“Enjoy everything that happens in your life, but never make your happiness or success dependent on an attachment to any person, place or thing.” Wayne Dyer

You deserve to live a more balanced, harmonious and happier life, starting today and starting now. Today, not tomorrow, nor the day after tomorrow is where your life is, where your life starts. Take good care of yourself, “begin doing what you want to do now. We are not living in eternity. We have only this moment, sparkling like a star in our hand and melting like a snowflake…” Francis Bacon

Focus more of your attention on yourself and pay close attention to all of these things for they are meant to help you create a more balanced and happier life, because you deserve the best life has to offer.

1. START BREATHING PROPERLY, SOFTLY AND DEEPLY

When was the last time you paid attention to your breathe? Whether you believe it or not, we forgot how to breathe, and what we call breathing is nothing more than shallow breathing. Take deep breaths throughout the day, pay attention to your breathing and know that by doing so, not only will you improve your health, but you will also train yourself into becoming more present and engaged in the present moment, more present and engaged in your own life and the life of others.

“Shallow breathing is the root of all evil but conscious deep breathing restores and secures our souls.”Desmond Green

2. LET GO OF YOUR PERSONAL HISTORY – ENJOY THE PRESENT MOMENT

Let go of your past. Have a clear image of where you want to go, know how you want your future to look like but live in the present moment, for the present moment is all you ever had, all that you have and all you’ll ever have. Know that every time you identify with your past, you deny yourself the right to grow and evolve, the right to advance in life.

“By referring to previous struggles and using them as reasons for not getting on with your life today, you’re assigning responsibility to the past for why you can’t be successful or happy in the present.” Dr. Wayne Dyer

3. LET GO OF ALL THOSE THINGS THAT NO LONGER SERVE YOU

Find the inner strength and courage to let go of all those things that no longer serve you, of all those things that no longer bring joy and happiness into your life. You and I know that “There are things that we never want to let go of, people we never want to leave behind. But keep in mind that letting go isn’t the end of the world, it’s the beginning of a new life.”

4. FORGIVE YOURSELF FOR PAST MISTAKES

It’s okay to make mistakes. If we don’t make mistakes we don’t move, we don’t grow, we are stagnating. Forgive yourself for past mistakes and know that forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself, forgiveness “is the highest, most beautiful form of love. In return, you will receive untold peace and happiness.” Robert Muller

5. FORGIVE ALL THOSE PEOPLE WHO HAVE HURT YOU

Start forgiving those who have hurt you, because you see, “When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.” Catherine Ponder

6. RELEASE ALL JUDGMENTS YOU HAVE PLACED UPON YOURSELF AND OTHERS

Whenever you catch yourself being judgmental towards yourself and others, repeating these words to yourself will help a lot: “Judgments prevent us from seeing the good that lies beyond appearances.” Wayne Dyer. I use these words whenever I feel like my mind is getting ready to become judgmental, and I have to admit that they do help me be more open minded and tolerant both toward myself and others.

7. EXPECT THE BEST FROM LIFE

Expect the best and you will receive the best. Open your eyes and see the beauty that is present all around you, open your eyes and see yourself as the beautiful being you really are. Expect the best from yourself, from those around you and from life, because you see, “When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.” Paulo Coelho

8. NURTURE THE RELATIONSHIP YOU HAVE WITH YOURSELF AND OTHERS

Love yourself, accept who you are and work on pleasing yourself before pleasing others, nurture yourself first before nurturing others. It is very important to start with yourself and I will give you one example to understand why that is.

You know how when you are on the airplane the flight attendant is giving all the passengers the instructions as to what to do it an emergency and they tell you to put your oxygen mask on first? Well, the same goes here. You will not be able to help others if you don’t help and take care of yourself first. Nurture the relationship you have with yourself so that you can be able to nurture your relationships with others.

9. START TREATING YOURSELF AS YOU WOULD WANT OTHERS TO TREAT YOU

Because if you yourself are not being kind and loving towards your own person, you can’t expect others to do so, right?. You can’t expect others to do something for you that you yourself are not capable of doing. Start treating yourself in the exact way you would like others to treat you.

“Let the world know you as you are, not as you think you should be, because sooner or later, if you are posing, you will forget the pose, and then where are you?” Fanny Brice

10. START TO NURTURE YOUR MIND, BODY, HEART AND SPIRIT

Work on nurturing your mind, your body, your heart and your soul, because “If you nurture your mind, body, and spirit, your time will expand. You will gain a new perspective that will allow you to accomplish much more.” Brian Koslow

11. DEVELOP AN ATITUDE OF GRATITUDE

Start developing “an attitude of gratitude, and give thanks for everything that happens to you, knowing that every step forward is a step toward achieving something bigger and better than your current situation.” Brian Tracy

Know that who you are right now, where you are and what you have is more than enough and appreciate it all.

June-Cation! 2012

Here it is! Finally finished our vacation vid. Sorry... May not play on some mobile devices or in some countries.

June-Cation! 2012 from Cybertrousers on Vimeo.

Stay Tuned

Sorry I've been MIA... Still working on the vacation movie. Will post again soon!

Cornerstone Church Service 06-24-12

From the service this past Sunday.... Continuing the series, Stories Jesus Told. This week's installment is The Cost of Discipleship.

The Best Singer in the World

Self-image sets the boundaries of individual accomplishment. —Maxwell Maltz

The way we think about ourselves determines how we behave and who we become. If Eileen believes she is good at baseball, she will swing the bat more confidently and catch fly balls more easily. And her extra effort will generally pay off. At math, Steve thinks he's a whiz and it makes him proud. He studies so he'll continue to be a whiz.

The image we have of ourselves is like the blueprint the contractor follows when building a house. When we see ourselves sad or angry, our behavior and personality will match it. When we see ourselves withdrawn and afraid, we seem to avoid activities that involve others. How wonderful that we can change our behavior and thus ourselves by changing the picture we carry in our minds.

Yeeeeaaahhhh.... Well.... I may have to not totally agree on some of that. I grew up thinking I was a really good singer. Never practiced... Didn't need to. Never improved as a result. Thing is, though, all the practice in the world wouldn't have helped. I'm a terrible singer (except in the shower).

I get what the message is trying to convey, however. Kinda difficult becoming that stable, honest, family man an alcoholic may endeavor to be when his head is stuck in a bottle.

Just watching Longmire on the idiot's lantern then headed to bed. Cupcake made an awesome dump cake earlier... nothing much new. Except for my brilliant shower rendition of Hey Jude I treated my neighbors to after work.

The Bright Day That Follows

We can never assume that, because things are not going the way we want, they are not following a better plan. God is a better manager than we can hope to be. If things aren't shaping up the way we like, let's wait with curiosity to see that better things are in store for us. Let's look for lights in the darkness and follow them to the bright day that always will follow. We will remember our lessons of misfortune with gratitude.

The Narrow Door

Creative Forces

Being alive is being creative. You need do nothing but affirm your aliveness. —Gay Bonner

What does it mean to be alive? Does it mean merely breathing, eating, and moving around, or is there more to it? Being alive can mean different things to different people. To some, it's sewing a baby quilt for a new life about to be born. To others, it's singing, or walking, or running. Still others find it in the exhilaration of skiing, or the tropical splendor they find when scuba diving.

Each of us has our own favorite activity that lets us feel our creativity and vitality, that lets us feel a part of the larger world. Two gifts these activities leave us with are joy and energy. Joy is one of the most creative forces we can call on, and energy gives us the power to do it well.

I so love the message from Today's Gift! It resonates so loudly for me because I consider myself a creative person and find great joy in those pursuits. Whether I'm sketching, doing photography, outdoor activities, or cooking (among other things)... I find myself centered and serene.


Self-worth and healthy pride flow from doing something that you do well and truly enjoy. As far I'm concerned, walking around the French Quarter with a camera or painting a basement with your dad is some of the best therapy you can get. And it's free.


Goodnight!

Burial mound outside Helen, GA

The Other Shoe

Bad moments, like good ones, tend to be grouped together. —Edna O'Brien

Once in a while, we have days when we think the whole world is against us. A parent has reprimanded us, a brother broke our new game, or the teacher at school disciplined the whole class. We sometimes let our thoughts center on a cluster of bad moments and forget the good moments of the day.

We shouldn't forget about the two ducks we fed part of our sandwich to, the friend who made us laugh, or the gym teacher who praised the whole class. Deciding to think about these good moments can allow our spirits to rise and make the bad moments fade away.

After all, if life were all good moments, we would take them for granted. Let us accept the bad ones gratefully, then, as opportunities to appreciate the good.

It's pretty hard to have a day full of good feelings come crashing down because of one bad thing. It could be from a piece of bad news, an unexpected change in the schedule, or just that rude person you had to deal with at work.

Some of us too easily fixate on the negative because it seems to have the most impact on us. It sticks with us longer. Things are going well so we wait for the other shoe to drop.

Fixation on the negative is the destroyer of serenity. For so long that low was the norm, and we weren't sure how to function when things were going well. Some of us even resort to sabotage in a sick attempt to prevent disappointment.

Kinda went off in a slightly different direction there... It's where my thoughts took me tho.

Goodnight!

A Little Help and Guidance

It is not your circumstances that need altering so much as yourself. After you have changed, conditions will naturally change. Spare no effort to become all that God would have you become. Follow every good leading of your conscience. Take each day with no backward look. Face the day's problems with God, and seek God's help and guidance as to what you should do in every situation that may arise. Never look back. Never leave until tomorrow the thing that you are guided to do today.

Hello Again...

Whoa! Has it really been that long since my last post?! I have no excuses. Sure, we had a wonderful, whirlwind vacation. It took a few days to settle back in. The Greek economy is in crisis....

In reality, I've had plenty of opportunities to catch up on the blog. Unfortunately, I allowed my old acquaintance, Procrastination, to have a say in the scheduling.

Once again, the vacation was awesome. I got to spend some time bonding with the ones I love, made some new friends, and got to catch up with some old ones. I got to make a couple of those mountain meetings I love so much. I even got to share my favorite meeting in the world with Cupcake (it was open).

One of the things I miss from being back home is attending the Cornerstone Church services. I suppose YouTube is the next best thing.... Here's this week's sermon.

And here's the thought from Today's Gift...

Let the gentle bush dig its root deep and spread upward to split one boulder. —Carl Sandburg

There is a fable about the sun and wind having a contest to see who can get the old man to take his coat off first. The wind blows fiercely, but the old man just pulls his coat tighter around him. Finally, the wind gives up and the sun comes out. The sun shines a steady warm light down on the old man, who soon takes his coat off.

More and better things are accomplished in this world by kindness and gentleness than by force. When we find ourselves most frustrated, it is often because we are trying to force certain things to happen. Our own patient and steady desire to grow, fed by the love and kindness of others, will not be stopped by anything or anyone. Our own gentleness is a powerful force in our lives. It is like the gentle bush that grows through granite.

Time for bed and then another long day at work. Hope you have a great night and a blessed day tomorrow!

Cornerstone Church Sermon 06-03-12: Stories Jesus Told

I'm so excited about this new series from Cornerstone. It centers around the biblical parables that Jesus told and how they apply to us today. Spiritually and in everyday life. Doubly excited that Cupcake and I were actually there to see it live for a change!

Still on vacation and having an absolute blast. It's not often that we get to see my family so I'm making sure to make the most out of every second.