Before I met A.A., I was very unloving. From the time I went away to school, I paid very little attention to my mother and father. I was on my own and didn't even bother to keep in touch with them. After I got married, I was very unappreciative of my spouse. Many a time I would go out all by myself to have a good time. I paid too little attention to our children and didn't try to understand them or show them affection. My few friends were only drinking companions, not real friends. Have I gotten over loving nobody but myself?
This describes how I was most of the time. Did I only love myself? Of course not. I had a real problem showing it to others, though. I was unnappreciative... I was distant... defensive... arrogant. I spent much more of my time looking out for me and my instant gratification than building relationships and taking care of my loved ones.
Did I really love others? Of course I did... and do. I prefer to think that I wasn't some kind of monster before AA. I did, however, need alot of help learning to let go of myself and actually show some love.
Got a late night at work so I thought I'd go ahead and write early. Hope you're having a wonderful day!
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