Back Again!

When trouble comes, do not say: "Why should this happen to me?" Leave yourself out of the picture. Think of other people and their troubles and you will forget about your own. Gradually get away from yourself and you will know the consolation of unselfish service to others. After a while, it will not matter so much what happens to you. It is not so important any more, except as your experience can be used to help others who are in the same kind of trouble.

I haven't written anything new for a few days. Where there's nothing wrong a little break every now and then, sometimes a break leads to procrastination and then complacency... In my opinion there's no worse enemy to the recovering addict than complacency.

The passage for tonight is the day's meditation from the 24 Hr.s book.

Alcoholics are pros at playing the victim when things go wrong. I know, for me, when things went wrong it was almost invariably my own fault. In realizing that and dealing with my personailty defects by working the steps, I've been better able to take what I've learned to other addicts and help in any way I responsibly can.

There's a friend from my homegroup that I ran into yesterday who had relapsed. The poor gal was still detoxing. I saw in her what I must have looked like after alot of my binges. Clammy, sweaty, anxious, uncertain, broken.... I talked to her for a little while. Tried not to offer alot of advice, but I did offer several options. She seemed the most responsive to the idea of going straight to a meeting and talking with a female member.

Hope nothing but the best for the young lady.

Just watched "We Bought A Zoo" with someone special. Awesome freakin movie... Bad title. Now about to head to bed.

Good night and God Bless!

What Would a Mature Adult Do?

I just got back in from my men's group. It was a birthday speaker meeting. This guy had alot of the same problems that I did finding recovery. He resisted, tried to do it on his own, went to meetings but never got a sponsor, didn't turn it over to God, relapsed... It's not a unique story at all. I've learned that most of the people who found success in the program had a pretty sticky time at first. That doesn't necessarily give one license to run wild with the idea that it's ok to slip and slide before getting a firm grip on sobriety. Other people suffer along the way. Our selfishness told us that we weren't responsible for that pain. I've come to discover that we very much are.Especially when we choose alcohol over the people we love. It may very well be the disease causing that horrible lapse in judgement, but at some point, enough has to be enough.

That makes me wonder how many people question my recovery. It's only natural and very fair that they would. I can tell you that I never planned to be an addict. I didn't wake up one day in grade school and say, "When I grow up, I'm going to lay on the couch drunk everyday and watch The Price is Right." I can also tell you that it would be a pretty grim and somewhat cynical assumption that I would be an active alcoholic for the rest of my life. There's no difference between that and a death sentence. I plan to have a home and a family. It's something that I have always wanted, and now it's more than just possible... It's a certainty as long as I work my program. As long as I am recovering.

The most profound thing I walked away with tonight was something our speaker said his sponsor told him. That when he was faced with a problem or conundrum to ask himself, "What would a mature adult do?" It's such a simple question, but I love it and plan to use it.

The rest of the day was business as usual. Worked most of it. Went to the park before my meeting and saw my ducks... and squirrels...and nutria... The bus driver almost knows me by name now. Really nice guy. We chat and exchange pleasantries almost everyday. He is straight up, old school New Orleanian. I'm almost going to feel guilty when I get my car. I'm sure he'll understand.

Have a wonderful night and God bless!

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle and Friends in Relapse

The first half of my day wasn't very fruitful. I got up a little earlier than usual with a fairly lengthy "To-Do" list. Then the rain came and scratched that. I was able to mark one thing off. Rent.

Hung out here for a while and watched Sherlock on Netflix. I'm a bit of a Doyle purist, but am impressed with Gatiss' and Moffat's take on it. I was always a Mycroft fan and Mark Gatiss pulls it off beautifully. Not sure how I feel yet about Moriarty. Just like The Master in Doctor Who, I've always seen him as the bearded Machiavellian.

The second half of the day involved me sitting with a friend who has relapsed. She sent me a message earlier this afternoon that she needed help. Her sponsor couldn't leave work, so I stayed until she could get there. The lady lost her entire family because of drugs and alcohol. That's how powerful addiction is. I know it was her choice, but it makes me so angry that everyone in her life turned their backs on her. Plus, I know what it feels like to a small extent, and can see how the loneliness and pain can drive someone back to using. It's a seriously misunderstood disease, and she's a good person. One way to guarantee that you stay alone, however, is to go back to your old habits. She's in good hands, now, and I'm back at the apartment trying to figure out where to put a couch and a TV.

That may sound trivial, but to someone overcoming alcoholism, it's one of the coolest things in the world.

I'm going to pray for my friend (and not judge her). I'm very grateful for her, too. Helping other addicts contributes to keeping me from going back. I'll give her sponsor a call in a bit to see how things are going.

Goodnight and be well...

What Would a Mature Adult Do?

I just got back in from my men's group. It was a birthday speaker meeting. This guy had alot of the same problems that I did finding recovery. He resisted, tried to do it on his own, went to meetings but never got a sponsor, didn't turn it over to God, relapsed... It's not a unique story at all. I've learned that most of the people who found success in the program had a pretty sticky time at first. That doesn't necessarily give one license to run wild with the idea that it's ok to slip and slide before getting a firm grip on sobriety. Other people suffer along the way. Our selfishness told us that we weren't responsible for that pain. I've come to discover that we very much are. Especially when we choose alcohol over the people we love. It may very well be the disease causing that horrible lapse in judgement, but at some point, enough has to be enough.

That makes me wonder how many people question my recovery. It's only natural and very fair that they would. I can tell you that I never planned to be an addict. I didn't wake up one day in grade school and say, "When I grow up, I'm going to lay on the couch drunk everyday and watch The Price is Right." I can also tell you that it would be a pretty grim and somewhat cynical assumption that I would be an active alcoholic for the rest of my life. There's no difference between that and a death sentence. I plan to have a home and a family. It's something that I have always wanted, and now it's more than just possible... It's a certainty as long as I work my program. As long as I am recovering.

The most profound thing I walked away with tonight was something our speaker said his sponsor told him. That when he was faced with a problem or conundrum to ask himself, "What would a mature adult do?" It's such a simple question, but I love it and plan to use it.

The rest of the day was business as usual. Worked most of it. Went to the park before my meeting and saw my ducks... and squirrels...and nutria... The bus driver almost knows me by name now. Really nice guy. We chat and exchange pleasantries almost everyday. He is straight up, old school New Orleanian. I'm almost going to feel guilty when I get my car. I'm sure he'll understand.

Have a wonderful night and God bless!

On my way to the men's group