Cornerstone Podcast- The Book of James Pt 4 of 7

Another late, super-chaotic evening and I have to be up early again. Not writing much because I still need to shower, but guess whaaaaat..... Yesterday's sermon from Cornerstone Church has been posted!

The Book of James Pt. 4 of 7

Thought I'd share! God Bless and goodnight.

No Rest for the Weary

The way sometimes seems long and weary. So many people today are weary. The weariness of others must often be shared by me. The weary and the heavy laden, when they come to me, should be helped to find the rest that I have found. There is only one sure cure for world-weariness and that is turning to spiritual things. In order to help bring about the turning of the weary world to God, I must dare to suffer, dare to conquer selfishness in myself, and dare to be filled with spiritual peace in the face of all the weariness of the world.

Sometimes the road forward seems endless and overwhelming. I used to feel so weary and hopeless. I was really getting tired of listening to myself and putting up with my own attitude. The big difference between me and other people was that they could get away from me when my behavior became too selfish, boastful, or judgemental.

Finding some serenity with my Higher Power and the program has made me somewhat more comfortable with myself and others. It's easier to deal with other people and things that life throws everyday.

I've met so many sad, down-trodden folks in the program and on the streets. Today I feel better centered and self-aware enough to help those who come along much more effectively.

Got back late and have an early day tomorrow so I am anxious to get some rest.

Have a great night and a blessed day!

Sneaky Flaws of Character

I had to show off and boast so that people would think I amounted to something, when, of course, both they and I knew that I really didn't amount to anything. I didn't fool anybody. Although I've been sober for quite a while, the old habit of building my self up is still with me. I still have a tendency to think too well of myself and to pretend to be more than I really am. Am I always in danger of becoming conceited just because I'm sober?

I've always had a problem with boastfulness and building myself up to look better in front of my friends, family, heck even people I didn't like. Sure that behavior may make you more interesting to some for a while, but people grow weary of that habit very quickly... And it is a habit. For me that behavior was almost compulsive.

I've gotten alot better about it in recovery. Still find that character flaw try to resurface sometimes... When I don't even realize it. Those old habits can be very sneaky and sometimes right under the surface. That's why vigilance can never be overtstated in AA.

Well. Time to call it a night! Hope you have a good one and God Bless!

Sigh.

I'm at a crossroads and may have to make some seriously difficult decisions. Pray for me folks...

Never Enough

My favorite group of all time.... And one of my favorite songs. Seems to sum my life up perfectly.

Jay's New Orleans

Best foodstand ever! Great crawfish pies and meatpies.

The BBQ shrimp nachos rule too.

Whether you want a sno-ball or delicious

carnival type food... This is the place.

And VERY affordable.

Riverview Park. A source of great serenity

for me. I've been here many times with my

Big Book in hand. It's very relaxing to watch the

ships go by down the Mississippi or just biking along

the levee.

And now it is festival season... My favorite time of year

in my favorite city! When I was a lonely drunk, I couldn't

enjoy stuff like this. I just isolated myself.

More New Orleans to come! Have a good night and God Bless...

Cupcake Revisited

Given my new lease on life, and endeavoring to reconnect with my beloved Sarah, I thought I'd repost this classic.

My sponsor said it might not be a good idea to talk too much about relationship stuff on my blog. This is something that has been weighing very heavily on me lately, so I feel that it would help to write about it. I'll try to make this the only full post I devote to what's going on.

About a month and a half ago I made a serious mistake. I let something that I had no business touching come between me and someone I love very very much. And it wasn't the first time. We were already sleeping apart with the understanding that I would be looking for another place. This came from another misadventure of mine not too long previously. Why I kept doing it, I don't know. I was a slave to alcohol, a dry drunk when sober, and too damn hard-headed to get real help. I did good things too. Don't get me wrong. Not all times were bad, but the person that I had turned into was not the real Jay. I was self-absorbed and only concerned with me. I had become miserable and it was no one's fault but my own, even though I tried to blame her. I said alot of things that I certainly didn't mean (and would certainly never say again).

We've been apart since then. She hasn't talked to me and I don't blame her.

Since I jumped headfirst into recovery, and have made real progress, I've regained my senses. Haven't had those in a while. With a clear head, it all started coming back. Why I love her. What I should've been doing all along and what I can be doing for her now. I'm sorry, Sweety, but I can't erase the past. I can, however, be the person you need right now and for as long as you'll let me. If it isn't too late.

I made her very sad for a very long time, and I would be honored if she would give me the opportunity to spend my life making it up to her.

What makes it even worse is that she's having a very difficult time. Several things have happened almost all at once (including me). All I want to do is hold her and try to get us through things together. Even from a distance, when she's hurting, I'm hurting. Trust me, there's no more helpless feeling in the world when someone you love is in a crisis and wont even let you in. I should be her rock through this, the one she turns to. But I effed it all up.

Like I said. I can be now. I'm getting myself back and I want to give it all to her. I don't think she reads this, but if she does...

I'm offering you a healthier, better me, Cupcake. And I swear to you that Jay is never going anywhere again unless it's by your side. I promised you something earlier tonight, and, whether you are talking to me or not, I'm going to keep that promise.