Blogging and Reprieve

We were talking about the importance of daily reprieve at Mustard Seed today. Lots of people in recovery associate this with prayer or meditation. At the meeting we went around the table and most said that they don't usually pray for one day's relief like they should. That's how we do it in AA. One day at a time.

The moderator explained that he didn't pray in the morning because he's usually so out of it that he doesn't remember what he prayed about..... Now, I'm not sure that that's how it is supposed to work, but his isn't my recovery. We do aspects of it in our own ways. Basically whatever works for us. I've been doing some praying myself over the weeks. Mostly for guidance and protection. He then mentioned that someone suggested journaling, but he wasn't up for that either. Ah ha! I had what I wanted to talk about.

One of the best things I've done for my start on the road to recovery was to open up to the world and honestly share what I was going through. It's made me more honest with myself and my loved ones. It also helps keep me from going back out. This blog has been invaluable, and I want to thank all you who read it. Hopefully, others who are suffering can find a little light here.

The guy who said that he couldn't remember what he'd prayed about later in the day also said he wouldn't remember what he wrote about in his journal either. While speaking I tried to indirectly iterate that I journal on a blog and often go back and read it again. I have to remember, still, that we recover in our own ways.

Anyways.... Had a nice lunch in Jackson Square. Hung around for a bit and enjoyed the pretty weather. Then I came here and started writing. Going to another meeting at 6:30, then home.

Will write more tonight.

The Good and the Bad

Today started on a really upbeat note for me. I made my daily call to my sponsor. We arranged to read the first 5 chapters of the Big Book aloud starting Saturday morning before the "On the Dot" meeting. I readily and happily agreed. Still I kinda dreaded getting up that early. Then I thought... You never had a problem getting up at the butt-crack of dawn to run across the street and buy another bottle. You can sure as hell get up for this. Have to say I'm looking forward to it. AND I haven't been to that meeting in a while.

Speaking of meetings, I've been getting alot out of the "Mustard Seed" downtown. It's a small group. Mostly business people on lunch. I spoke at length about anger the other day and learned quite a bit about myself from just being honest. Today we discussed the importance of making meetings regularly. I shared how I used to be a clockwatcher, paying more attention to the time than what was being said. But then I shared that in the past weeks I've actually been listening. This has made an entire world of difference. I now look forward to my meetings... sometimes making two a day. My entire outlook has started to evolve into something much healthier. I've even started making friends, which is something else I never bothered to do.

After that I had a nice lunch by myself beside the river. The river is kind of my place. I get a little bit of serenity from watching the ships go by or just watching it flow. After that I found my usual seat at PJ's coffee on Canal St. When I left, my day started to change.....

That feeling of serenity kinda went away. I think I'd started worrying about Sarah. I have good days and bad days when it comes to that. This day seemed sort of split in half. I still love her. I wish to God I had a rewind button. This is where I am NOW though. You can only move forward and try your damnedest to make things right. This is the real deal, Cupcake, and there is still a gigantic place in my heart reserved for you if you'll have me.

Work was a bit of a challenge too. A test of patience, if you will. I've never been a fan of the area I worked in tonight. Not even by a longshot. I did well, though. Even found myself bantering with some people.

So. All in all, it was a good productive day. Now I'm just hanging out before bed. Don't usually go to sleep before one or two. Some nights I run into a neighbor in the courtyard and we discuss politics, the city, or even physics. I can enjoy a good, open-minded discussion again. And for all these things, I'm grateful.

Sushi and Preachers

 Today- Called sponsor and arranged to meet before the morning meeting Sat. Discussed the importance of meetings and staying plugged in at Mustard Seed. Had sushi on the Riverwalk, Sitting in PJ's now having a vitamin water. Going to work at 4 and wont get home til about 11. Forgot to mention yesterday that I met the Preacher of Canal St. He's the guy with the megaphone at the corner of Chartres. People think he's crazy but he's actually very smart and socially conscious. I know. Boring stuff, but I like to write about it. I also like sushi on the Riverwalk. 

Will write more tonight when I'm winding down.