The Merry Go-Round

We alcoholics were on a merry go-round, going round and round, and we couldn't get off. That merry go round is a kind of hell on earth. In A.A. I got off that merry go-round by learning to stay sober. I pray to my Higher Power every morning to help me to keep sober. And I get the strength from that Power to do what I could never do with my own strength. I do not doubt the existence of that Power. We're not speaking into a vacuum when we pray. That Power is there, if we will use it. Am I off the merry go round of drinking for good?

There's not much that was "merry" on my alcoholic cycle. Just despair. Even in my sobriety I feel lonely and hopeless sometimes. Perhaps it's because I have so much work ahead of me.

I have, however, made alot of progress. My credit is better than it has ever been. Job longevity is good. The possibilities are opening up. I just have to stay plugged in.

The future is glorious... If I continue to work it.

Goodnight and God bless.

Church, Meetings, and Fellowship

Homegroup tonight! Woot! Business meeting before. That'll be an hour of people talking over one another, but I love it. I'd never treated AA as a real fellowship back when I wasn't working a real, proper recovery. Now I have folks who actually seek me out to say "Hello". It's a good feeling to be an active member of that community. They really are some of the best people in the world.

Back in the day, when I was ruled by self-will and arrogance, I'd get to a meeting a few minutes late, watch the clock, maybe share some BS story, and leave a few minutes early. Now I like to get there early and help set up. I enjoy listening to what is said, sharing something meaningful, and staying and chatting a few minutes afterward. It's such an integral part of my recovery. I can be totally down in the dumps on the way to a group, then leave feeling so much better. I thank God for that.

Church is great too. Most of the churches I've been to have had such a positive energy. Church of the Nations, my parents church, my brother's, or Trinity Episcopal. These days I get an automatic sense of serenity before I'm even within 20 feet of the door. That's my Higher Power at work as well. Since I, and I'm quoting here, "Let go and let God", spirituality and church have taken on an all new meaning.

When I was shackled by the disease of alcoholism... or when I was sober but not recovering... pride, arrogance, self-will, egotism, hell even fear kept me from opening up to God, the program, and, certainly not least, growing and connecting with the ones I love. Now I can do those things and the world is a brighter place for it.