Serenity Now

I've discovered that the truest test of how well I maintain my serenity is at work. Tonight I was working the area that I like the very least. I can honestly say that dealing with the endless parade of people used to frustrate me to no end. It was frustrating tonight and I caved a bit in my attempt to quit smoking completely. I ended up having about 3 or 4 for the entire day. Nothing to sneeze at, but it does mean that there is more work to do.

I didn't want to drink, though. I didn't take it out on anyone else and I didn't slam any doors. I just did my job and took a breather whenever I needed one. You see, I'm not just abstaining from alcohol. I'm working my recovery. Using tools that I learn in my program to overcome behaviors from my past. Behaviors that, quite frankly, made me look like an ass. Giving in to frustration being only one.

In abstinence all you are doing is not drinking. This works for a few, but for most the old behaviors are still there and they eventually end up going back out again. I was one of those people for a while. Being content with not drinking. Thinking everyone else should be too. Thought I had all the answers, but would inevitably find myself back at square one. "The Doctor's Opinion" in the Big Book has a lot of good stuff regarding this. I've added a link to it in a previous post too. Through recovery (not just abstinence) I've learned alot about why I drank, the behaviors that led to me going back, and what I can do to ensure that I never drink again. If one is serious, earnest, honest, and willing to stick to their program, there is no reason to ever suffer that hell again. Enthusiasm is key too. Happiness comes naturally when you start to heal. It's working for me.

The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.