Forgiving the Plow

The cut worm forgives the plow. —William Blake

Would anyone believe that rain abuses grass, or accuse roots, hungry for a better hold on life, of digging too far into earth's flesh? And if the earth should have to quake, would anyone blame it for cracking here and there? Look closely at the small world of busy life overturned in the garden each spring. No ant there curses another bug, and no worm curses itself. Though they can neither speak nor think, even small creatures know enough to accept their pain as a natural part of life. Why, then, should we waste time blaming others, or ourselves, for the natural sensations of life?

Getting ready for bed.... One more day before we begin our journey! Still lots to do, too. I can say that I finally got my hair cut for the trip and it feels great.

It really is going to be awesome getting out of NOLA for a while and being in the country!

Bad Times and Good Times

It was a bit of a roller-coaster of a day. On the good side, my food drive is extended for another month! I'm excited and grateful for that. On the bad side, someone I love very much is having a hard time and there's nothing I can do about it. I'm finally at a place in my life where I could, but I'm not allowed in. I feel helpless and it's as painful as hell. I don't want to sound selfish, though. The pain is mine, a result of something I did, and I'll own it. She has enough going on, and if I can't be there with her right now, God will be. And I'm thankful for that.

The meditation of the day seems pretty relevant to my life lately...

I believe that all sacrifice and all suffering are of value to me. When I am in pain, I am being tested. Can I trust God, no matter how low I feel? Can I say, "Thy will be done," no matter how much I am defeated? If I can, my faith is real and practical. It works in bad times as well as in good times. The Divine Will is working in a way that is beyond my finite mind to understand, but I can still trust in it.

There's alot more going on out there than just me. Sometimes I forget that.

Just finishing up some laundry, gonna eat some pizza, then wind down. Storage Wars is on all night. What I like about that show is that it's good, mindless fun. Something relaxing to veg out to after a long day.

It'll be another long day tomorrow. But ya know what? Tomorrow isn't here yet.

Goodnight, friends.

Daily Book Passages and Confusing Meeting Topics

Not every AA meeting or group is a winner. Today's Mustard Seed topic was not a winner, but the group itself is and that's why I keep going. Love it. Today, though, quite a few of us were confused as to what we were supposed to be talking about. The moderator was talking about something personal that was going on in his life. Nothing wrong with that by any means. I think what threw a few of us was how he was trying to apply it to the steps. It wasn't coming together very well, but I listened, and as always walked out with some food for thought. If you are sharing something that's important to you, it's always worth listening to.

Been trying to get into reading the daily thoughts in the 24 Hours A Day book. Finally found a website where I can do that. Need to buy the book when I can. Today's passage was about looking for the good in every person and not judging them. Alcoholics are quite used to judgement and criticism... in both directions. I'm no exception. So today I am going to concentrate on less judging and more understanding.

Meeting with my sponsor tomorrow for lunch, so tonight after I get off I'll have to finish the work he gave me for Step 3. I just have some writing left. Done all the reading. Will post again after work too.

I read something while eating lunch today that I feel I must write about. There's someone out there right now who is dearer to my heart than anything else. Someone who was lying awake last night at the same time as me and listening to the same rain. I'd like to be able to tell her that life is worth the pain. If I could, I'd shoulder that pain for her... I even prayed that I could while laying there in that lonely, sad bed. I hope and pray that someday soon I can hold her hand, look into her eyes and tell her that I will do anything to make sure she is happy and protected. No matter what. It might be bad at this moment, but the future can be wonderful. It's so worth it. I love ya, Cupcake.